Page 82 of The Apparent Trap

“So tell me what you put in your pozole,” I ask, needing to move on to a topic I know we’ll be able to dive into. She claps her hands together, like there couldn’t be a better discussion.

The conversation thankfully takes us all the way to her apartment—the details of every ingredient, the special ordering of particular red chiles that can’t be replicated, stories of big family gatherings gone awry. When we get inside, she immediately puts the pot back on the stove to heat it up.

My dad arrives, says hello to us both with kisses on our cheeks, and then immediately goes to set the table. When I hear the buzzer ring, I scurry off to help my dad so that Carmen can answer the door. I’ve accepted my fate of sitting in a room with Lee for a few hours, but I don’t have to make it harder on myself by seeing him even a minute more than is necessary.

I look up when he walks in the dining room. Anyone else would think, from his placid smile, that he’s perfectly happy to be here. But there’s a sadness behind his expressive eyes, the small chink in the rest of his demeanor.

“Hey, Ezzie,” he says softly. He allows himself the smallest wave, his hands fidgety like they’d rather be anywhere else. I’m grateful for the napkins I haven’t put down yet, so I have something to twist.

“Hey,” I reply, forcing myself to give him the only half smile I can muster. I hate everything about this awkwardness, but I also can’t pretend with him. It’s impossible to have small talk about traffic and pozole when I’ve been imagining his mouth on me practically every minute of every day.

Thankfully Carmen walks in with the big pot and sets it on the table. “Alright, lunch is ready!” She clearly hasn’t noticed the tension in the room, because she’s beaming, anxious to dig in.

And to be fair, the pozole really is that good. It’s rich and brothy, the chiles giving it a deep red color and an even deeper flavor. She’s made plates of garnishes—colorful radishes, cabbage, avocado, and red onion all ready to be piled on top, with a bowl of tostada shells on the side. I can see how someone could obsess over this tradition. And because of it, it makes the energy in the room relax. There’s something calming about sharing this kind of meal together.

Until we’re done and the table is cleared and Carmen says, “We actually wanted to talk to you guys about something.”

Chapter 26

Carmen indicates that Lee and I should sit down on the couch, and it’s the first time we’ve really looked at each other all afternoon. I see the puzzlement in the knit of his brows. He seems to be running through possibilities the way I am, every thought more improbable than the last.

It’s a funny setup now. Lee and I are sitting across from my dad and Carmen, as though we’re children about to be told some serious news by our parents.

Carmen folds her hands in her lap, and the silence stretches. Until finally, she says, “We decided to break up.”

“You . . .” I pause, the words not quite computing. “What? When? Just now?”

My dad chuckles. “No, sweetie. A few days ago.”

“Then why are we all having lunch together?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Maybe I am a child, now demanding answers like I’m somehow owed them.

“I genuinely did think it would be nice,” Carmen says, the truth of it etched in her expression. She glances over at my dad with nothing but love, and he gazes right back at her. It’s confusing.

“Carmen and I had a real heart-to-heart last week,” my dad explains. “It’s hard, to have so much love for someone and not be right for them.” I can feel Lee shift next to me, and I can’t bear to turn my head to see what he’s thinking. “The last few months,” my dad continues, “I think we both opened something up for each other that’s been incredibly important.” He looks at me. “I think you and I were able to have more open communication than we’ve had, well, in years. Because I was finally emotionally in a place to do that.”

“And for me,” Carmen says, glancing over at Lee, “I think I needed to get comfortable with the fact that different kinds of family look different, and it doesn’t make it any more or less. I don’t have to reach for something that will come in its own time.”

“But we’ve been naive,” my dad adds. “And we both just wanted to say we were sorry for putting you in this position.”

At that I tilt my head. “What are you talking about? This doesn’t have anything to do with us.”

My dad and Carmen trade an amused glance with each other.

“We know neither of you has been particularly happy with this situation,” my dad says.

I scoff, but I’m not winning any Best Actress awards over here. “We’re fine. Or, I’m fine. I mean, I know I told you I worried—”

Carmen shakes her head. “I think we were both so caught up that we ignored it. We ignored all the understandable worries and didn’t talk about them because we didn’t want to even bring it up to ourselves. Our age differential is . . . It’s always been too insurmountable for us. We want completely different things from this stage of our lives. You both were so outwardly supportive—”

“And it was very sweet,” my dad interjects.

“But yeah, it started to become a little obvious eventually.”

I glance over at Lee, who’s looking only at Carmen. I don’t know why he’s staying silent, but I guess that means I have to say something. “What do you mean?”

“Well, an old version of Trivial Pursuit seemed a little too on the nose,” my dad says, and Lee’s face reddens.

“And I knew it really had to be bothering you when Georgia subbed in and brought the topic up,” Carmen adds in my direction. Now I’m also blushing. “And I wasn’t upset,” she clarifies when she sees my discomfort. “Actually, in some ways I was happy you finally told her. Because when I thought about it, I realized how hard it must’ve been to keep something so significant about your dad to yourself. And I know you did that because I asked you to, even though, frankly, I wasn’t exactly the easiest person to work with in the beginning.”