Page 91 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

I’ve told her more than once that she can drink. She is not an addict but she refuses out of support for me. Apparently, she has also made that decision for Jagger and McKinley but they don’t complain either. I’m a lucky fucking man to have the people in my life that I do. I could’ve lost them all and honestly, should have.

Jagger narrows his gaze at me while the women talk about uncomfortable shoes.

“When are we going to decide on this tour, man. Number one record means we need to support it.”

I shrug because that doesn’t make sense to me. If it’s already number one, why do we have to support it? It seems we should be touring to get it up there but it’s already number one. I know the rest of the guys are ready and I’m the only one holding them back. He already knows why so I am not sure why he’s asking me.

“Mia,” he says, “When are you going to give Jett what he wants so he’ll stop being a little bitch and go back on the road?”

She glances at me before looking back at Jagger.

“What?”

Again Mia turns to me, “Why aren’t you going on tour?”

I tell her the simple truth.

“I’m not going on the road again until I’m a married man. You’ve told me no three times so the tour will have to wait.”

She stares at me like I’ve completely lost my mind and she may not be wrong.

“It’s that important to you?”

“Is it important that the air I breathe is mine permanently? Is it important that no fucking man ever think he has a shot with you? Is it important for me to tell the entire world to fuck off because you’re mine? Is it important for you to be tied to me for eternity? Yes, Angel. It’s fucking important.”

She tilts her head with a soft smile on her lips.

“That’s your sickness talking again, Jett. You win, let's get married.”

Scooting out my chair, I grab her waist and pull her onto my lap.

“When?”

Mia throws her arms around my neck.

“After dinner. I’m starving.”

Am I tempted to run into the main restaurant and shout, ‘is there a minister in the house’? Definitely, but I’m going to wait and do this the right way. For now, I’m happy because finally I have the girl.

Years ago, I saw her and wanted her in the most desperate way possible. She was unattainable because I was a fucking mess. I got her and lost her. Now that I have her and she’ll be my wife, I’ll never fuck it up again.

I’m still an addict, I always will be, but I’ll work every day to keep my sobriety. As Geoff predicted, I still crave it. I always will and I’ll deal with that. I was ready for my life to change, but it was Mia that made me want to stay clean. Living without her is a hell I don’t want to experience again. If I have to go back to rehab a hundred times over, I’ll stay clean. There’s no choice. Living without her will never be an option.

Life is painful. We go through horrible shit, but I’m living proof that it’s worth the fight. The only way out of pain is to go through it. Geoff once made me write a letter to my younger self. I thought it was crazy, but now I’m not so sure.

Dear Younger Jett,

Shit’s gonna get hard. You didn’t have a normal childhood. The things you went through were not okay. It was not your fault. You didn’t choose it, they did. The adults that were supposed to protect you from the very things they did to you. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t choose those things, but you’re using drugs to bury your pain. It’s only making everything worse. You’ve always wanted someone to choose you because no one ever has. No one has ever given you the love you deserve, but someone is going to come along that’s going to love you the way you’ve always dreamed of. You won’t be good enough for her. Yet, she’ll love you, anyway. I know it hurts, but the only way out is through. Step number one, choose yourself because you are worthy of being chosen.

Even those of us with demons deserve to be loved. Some days are hard, nearly impossible. Today the skies may be gray, but tomorrow will almost always be better. This is how I live my life. One day at a time.