Page 31 of Jarran

Second, because she was so aware of him that every accidental brush of skin registered like a current. His hand against hers when he passed her a cup made her pulse race. His thigh pressing against hers when they sat together on the small couch made her mouth dry. The back of his fingers grazing her arm as he reached past her sent liquid heat pooling between her legs. And she knew she had a similar effect on him. He looked hungry all the time.

And he watched her. She’d noticed him watching before, on the Korath-7, but he didn’t look away anymore. He watched her move through the room and when she met his gaze, he held it. Something had shifted between Korath-7 and this room. The pretense was gone. Whatever this was, they were both trying to figure it out, and wondering if they’d survive it.

Of course, she watched him, too. It was impossible not to admire the way he moved, fluid and contained, all that size and strength controlled and schooled. She liked the way he ate, with eyes half-closed and bliss on his face. She liked the way his dark hair fell into his eyes and how he pushed it back with an absent gesture that he’d probably used since he was a child.

They were circling each other. Waiting. Like they were caught in a gravity well and slowly losing altitude.

She knew where this was going. She’d known since the moment they’d been locked into this suite together. There were no guards watching here. Just a locked door and a bed and the steady, relentless pull of proximity.

That evening, just when the lights dimmed, the memories hit him hard.

One moment he was talking, his voice low and halting, trying to describe something that was surfacing. The next, his body locked rigid. His hands fisted on his knees. His breathing turned shallow and fast and his eyes went somewhere she couldn’t follow.

“The sisters,” he said. His voice broke on the word. “I can see their faces.”

She deduced that he was referring to the engineered females. The ones Pella Rin had created. He was remembering them, and from the look on his face, what he was remembering was ugly and specific and involved faces he would never again be able to forget.

“Jarran.”

He was shaking. His whole body trembled with the effort of containing enormous emotions. Self-loathing poured off him in waves, visible in the hunch of his shoulders and the white press of his knuckles and the way he wouldn’t look at her. “I made them. I made all of them. I can see the laboratory and my hands. I was calm, Evie. I was calm while I did it. I didn’t feel anything.”

“I don’t think that was you,” she said.

“Then who was it?” he demanded, locking eyes with her. “Because I have only inhabited one body, and it’s this one. This one, that did unspeakably bad things.”

The way he said that reminded her of a past conversation with him. “Yes, but I wonder what was done to you, back when you were abducted as a teenager, to make you that way.”

He shook his head. “Don’t make excuses for me.”

“I’m not,” she replied, tapping her chin. “I’m considering a plausible explanation.”

“What?”

“That the male who took you, he made you into Pella Rin.” She met his gaze without flinching. “Perhaps using the same type of technology that Pella Rin used to make those hybrid females.”

His brow dropped low. “That doesn’t excuse⁠—”

She put her hands on his face. “Jarran, shut up for a minute. Just stop.” He went still. “Would you blame the females who were created to work the terti flowers, or the ones we saw doing training when we arrived?”

“Of course, not,” he replied. “But why would anyone make someone like Pella Rin?”

Evie’s palms slid from his cheeks but he caught her hands between his own. She barely noticed with her mind going a mile a minute. “A legacy. A vehicle to pass on information that he knew.” Her face pinched. “To be immortal.”

“How would that make someone immortal?” he asked skeptically.

“Think about it.” It felt like a few puzzle pieces clicked into place. “What if he couldn’t find someone in his own group of raiders—of Sifters—worthy of his knowledge, so he found a way to make an apprentice. He passed his knowledge and cruelty and power to a protégé whom he could custom build to his exact specifications. That protégé was you.” She peered into his eyes. “I bet if we did the right tests, we’d find evidence of neurological tampering in your brain.”

He winced. “No more tests. They always hurt.”

“Even if they proved that you, Jarran, were innocent?” She cocked her head. “I’d want to know.”

His gaze was intense. “Is it important to you to know if I’m innocent?”

Evie thought about that. “Honestly, yes. I care about you.” She swallowed hard. “I—I think I more than care about you, and I would like to know if the person I have feelings for chose to become a criminal or if he was made into one. And I’d want to know if Pella Rin can be erased for good. I don’t want to meet him.”

He held perfectly still for a long moment, holding that hard gaze without blinking. “Then I’ll do the tests. If it’s important to you, and it will make you feel safe around me, I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Don’t you want to know?” she pressed.