Page 76 of Rebel Moon

when Knox knocked.

I still couldn’t fully comprehend what I was reading. Knox had been out in the storm. He’d knocked on my door. When? Why hadn’t I answered him?

That was obvious. Because I didn’t hear him. Had he thought I had? Had he imagined I was on the other side of the door and just let him walk back into the storm?

He’d almost died. That much was clear.

I hadn't answered because I hadn't heard his knocking. I’d had the music on in my ears to drown everything out and boy had it worked. If I’d heard him knock, I would have pulled him inside. He would be with me now. Instead I’d almost caused his death.

Because of me. Of my inability to face anything emotionally hard. I’d been hiding away just like I always did, so that no one could reach me.

Madeleine. She was the one who had to hide. Who chose to hide. Mindy Sue would have been standing at the window, assuming the foolish man would come to me when the storm broke out. He’d have wanted to make sure I was inside and all right. He’d have wanted to be with me. To weather the storm together.

Mindy’s voice echoed between my ears. He was out there alone and could have died while you were hiding like a baby. He wouldn’t have been found until after the storm passed and by then it would be too late. And I would never have known that his last act on earth was to find me.

Even after I’d blown him off this morning. Even then.

I got up off the floor and went to the front window, hoping to see a light from his cabin. However, all I could see was a wall of white.

I wanted to burst out of my cabin and go to him. I would tell him everything. How sorry I was. That I hadn’t heard his knocking. That I loved him. And that I’ve been a total and utter selfish fool.

I picked up my phone. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely make them work. First I typed a text to Ivy.

Madeleine

I’m okay. Your texts came through just now. I was in the bathroom, scared to death, with my earbuds in. I didn’t hear Knox knocking.

The text came back as undeliverable. Meanwhile, Ivy was probably losing her mind with worry.

I sent one to Knox next.

Madeleine

I didn’t hear you knocking. I had my earbuds in because I was so scared. I’m sorry. I would never have let you go back into the storm if I’d heard.

Like the one I’d sent to Ivy, it came back as undeliverable.

Now I had to wait.

I forced myself to lie on my bed and listen to the storm rage. Madeleine would have put her earbuds back in, but Mindy Sue wouldn’t. Mindy would want to face what she’d done. Mindy would have allowed herself to love Knox with her whole heart instead of running. Mindy would not have asked Blake to erase us falling in love. She would have danced around the room, yelling at the top of her lungs—Knox Hartley loves me.

It was Mindy now who wept. I cried like I was a child, utterly bereft, wracking sobs. I cried for Madeleine. For her choices. For her armor. For letting the best thing that ever happened to her walk into a storm because of her fears.

I cried for Mindy too. I wept for sending her away with no regard to who she was or how much stronger she was than Madeleine Price, public relations shark. Mindy had carried me through childhood, had helped to raise my baby sister, had gotten the grades and the scholarships. Mindy did all that and I thanked her by sending her away.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I betrayed you.”

I swear I felt a hand touch my shoulder. “It’s okay now,” Mindy said. “You found your way back.”

I lay on my side, bringing my knees to my chest like I had when I was a child. And I cried and cried until there were no tears left and it was only Mindy in that bed, praying that Knox would come back to her but fairly sure he wouldn’t.

21

KNOX

December 23

Digging Out & the Rehearsal Dinner