Page 49 of One More Time

It was the same conversation as always, clipped and undeviating, with uncomfortable silences in between.

With a slow steady breath, he reached across the table, gesturing for her hand to be in his. She hesitantly placed it there. ‘My sweet, beautiful Grace, you don’t look happy.’ He looked from where he was tracing her palm with his thumb and into the depths of her eyes, so green-blue, they reminded him of the mesmerising water of Sapphire Bay.

Stiffening, she shifted a little uneasily. ‘Well, I suppose that’s because I’m not happy, Charlie. Especially when I’m sitting in a prison, visiting my husband.’ Her lips quivered, but with a sharp inhalation she gathered herself quick-smart. ‘This isn’t the life I imagined for us.’

Charlie was so ashamed, he could barely hold her steadfast gaze. ‘I know it’s tough, and I’m so very sorry I’ve put you, and our children, through all of this.’ Knowing what he had to do, his heart slammed to a grinding halt. ‘This is only going to get harder as the years roll on, you know that, right?’

‘Of course I know that,’ she snapped. ‘I may be in the outside world, but trust me, it’s awfully tough out there too.’ She sniffled, her shoulders squaring. ‘It’s like I’m living the life of a widow.’

‘I’m sorry.’ While wondering how many times he’d apologised to her in this lifetime, Charlie nodded sadly while taking his time to put his words into order. ‘We need to get a divorce, Grace.’

Snatching her hand from his, she tipped her head, blinking fast. ‘What did you just say?’

‘You heard me.’ He took a breath and sighed it away. ‘You need to be able to live your life without the curse of my burdens.’

‘I am living my life, as are the children,’ she retorted.

‘I’ve only done two and a half years Grace. Two years,’ he repeated, hitting the harsh fact home. ‘I still have another seven and a half to go.’ He almost choked on his words. ‘I want you to be loved, and be in love, Grace, because you deserve to be.’

‘But Charlie … I am in love. With you.’ Softening, she brought her hand back to his, giving his fingers a reassuring squeeze.

‘No, you’re not.’ He took her hand again and rubbed a thumb over the softness of her skin, locking the sweet sensation within his heart for when he went on without her. ‘I don’t doubt that you love me, Grace, but you’re not in love with me anymore, and there’s a big difference.’

Her mouth opened and closed, twice. She huffed, sniffled and then offered him a lacklustre smile. ‘Well, sorry to ruin your ridiculous plan, but I’m not going to let you tell me what to do.’ She inhaled a sharp breath. ‘I might not be head-over-heels in love with you right now, but I do love you very much, Charlie Wilson, which says a lot after what we’ve gone through.’

Charlie had known she’d put up a fight, and he was ready to lay his law down as gently as he possibly could. ‘I’m not telling you what to do. I’m looking out for you.’

Her forehead puckered. ‘Without you around, I’ve learnt to look out for myself, thank you very much.’

‘Exactly my point, Grace. You shouldn’t have to look out for yourself.’ He wasn’t about to tell her that he wanted her to find another man to fill his shoes, because it would hurt her, and him, way too much to say it out loud. ‘I don’t want you coming here to visit me anymore.’

‘What if I want to?’ Her lips pressed into a thin line.

Oh god, this was hard. ‘I’ll refuse the visit.’ Charlie hated himself for saying it, but he had to.

‘But Charlie …’ Grace choked back a sob and covered her mouth. ‘Why are you doing this?’

His anguish was raw and bitter, pulling him into the darkness like quicksand. ‘For you, Grace.’ He pushed the words past the lump of emotion now lodged in his throat. ‘I’m doing all of this for you.’

Grace nodded once, her mouth setting in a firm line. ‘Fine. I’ll give you what you want.’ She shot to her feet. ‘But I won’t forgive you for this, Charlie Wilson. Not ever. You’ve broken my heart again, but this will be the very last time you do.’

Turning, she stormed away.

Charlie fought the urge to race after her and take her into his arms. He didn’t want to let her go, but he had to, for her sake, for the children’s sake.

She didn’t even stop to look back.

* * *

It had been almost six months since Grace had said her final goodbye to Charlie, and she was doing her best to move on, but it was proving tough. There wasn’t a room in the house that didn’t echo with his absence, and even more so now she never saw him. It was as if he’d died, and she was a widow in mourning. All in all, it made her seriously consider moving out of the homestead – if only she could afford to start afresh. It would do her, and the children, the world of good. But she simply didn’t have the resources. For now, she had to work with what she had, as hard as that might be.

Up before dawn after another sleepless night, she had already popped three loads of washing on, hung two out, mopped the floors upstairs and downstairs and finally found a small escape to freshen up. Feeling a little more human once she had her hair blow-dried and a light dusting of make-up on, she reached the bottom of the staircase in record time, and thankfully without injury after tripping over some of the boys’ Lego halfway down. There, she was met by Nugget, their golden retriever. At first she’d been hesitant about adding a dog to the mix of her busy life, but she’d quickly become appreciative of Nugget, whose unconditional love and loyal companionship had proved essential these past three years.

‘Hey there, my boy.’ His tail tapped the timber floorboards rhythmically as he excitedly greeted her, his tongue lolling comically out the side of his mouth. ‘Aw, I love you, you big goof.’ She stole a few seconds to crouch down and give him a good scruff around the neck. ‘Do you need to go out for toilet duties, buddy?’

Straightening, she strode toward the back door, Nugget’s toenails rhythmically clipping behind her. As she swung the door open, he scooted past her, raced down the steps and to the back lawn, his trip clearly urgent. Grace chuckled at his antics – he was her constant reminder that life could be fun and easy, if you lived in the moment. If only she had a minute to stop and smell the roses, that would be a regular thing. But with the homestead re-mortgaged to pay Charlie’s legal bills, living expenses rising, a teahouse in need of some repairs – thank goodness for Jenny taking on the managerial role – a brooding teenager, two six-year-old boys to control, and four-year-old Ava to contend with, Grace had her hands too full to even think about bending to sniff roses on the proverbial path of her crazy life. Heck, she barely had time to nip off to the loo, and quite often when she did find the time, she’d look down to see the cat wrapping itself around her ankles, in search of whatever love she had left to give.

Hankering for her habitual morning coffee hit, she left Nugget in the backyard and rushed into the kitchen. Caffeine was the only thing that got her through the day. Unfortunately, it was also what kept her awake at night.