Page 96 of Snowed Inn

After a moment, he speaks again.

“Like I told you, Carrie and I swore we’d never be like our dad.” His voice is rough.

“You must know that alcohol use disorder is a disease. Carrie can’t help herself.”

His fingers trace over my hip absentmindedly. “I do know that but . . . I just wish I could fix it for her.”

I lift my head and slide my palm against his rough cheek, looking him in the eye. “It’s not your fault,” I say. “And it’s not yours to fix.”

He nods. “I just keep thinking if I say the right thing, do the right thing . . .”

Oh, Jesse.

I cup his jaw, making him look at me. “You know you can’t save her, right?”

His throat bobs.

“You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved,” I continue.

His eyes search mine, like he wants to believe me, but doesn’t know how. “I love her so much.”

“You loving her isn’t the problem,” I tell him. “She has to love herself enough to want to change. But if you miss her, reach out to her. She may need to hear that you still care. If you don’t, you’ll never know.”

Jesse swallows hard, his arm tightening around me, like he’s afraid to let go of something—maybe me, maybe this moment, maybe the idea that he has control over something he never really did.

I don’t tell him it’s going to be okay. I don’t promise him that she’ll get better. Because I don’t know that. But I do stay, and I press a slow kiss to his chest, right over his heart. He exhales, his breath warm against my hair.

We don’t say anything else.

We just hold each other.

And for now, that’s enough.

Chapter 36

January 1 (morning)

Jesse was still in my bed when I woke up.

Normally, I’m with a guy for at least a couple of months before I let him sleep over. But Jesse? Not only did he stay in my bed, but at some point during the night, I ended up spooning with him. We cuddled in the soft glow of the early hours, when the world was still asleep and everything felt safe.

Which is probably why I am now hiding behind the front desk of the inn, trying to make myself useful.

I told myself I came down here to help Ellie and Charlotte with checkouts. It’s a busy morning, and they could use me. Most of the guests are leaving today. That is what I have been repeating in my head at least, trying to drown out the actual reason I fled my own bed.

The truth?

I don’t know how to face Jesse right now.

Jesse is a good man. A great one, actually. And it has finally occurred to me that the reason I keep dating shallow jerks over and over again is because they are safe. They are guys I could never get too close to. The ones who will predictably hurt me. They’re easily leavable.

Jesse’s different. He’s someone I could actually fall in love with, and that thought makes me break into a cold sweat.

Why does it scare me so much?

I guess Ellie’s right. I do need therapy because I have no idea. Cuddling with Jesse this morning sent a shock wave right through me.

I know we said we’d figure it out in the morning. But it’s morning, and I have no clue what to say to him. I have figured out exactly zero things.