Page 62 of Snowed Inn

Oh, shit. Unexpectedly, my eyes fill with tears because I finally understand why Jesse thought I was a rich girl. It’s true, my family wasn’t wealthy, but we had food and clothing. Compared to Jesse, maybe I was a rich girl. Everything is subjective. I need to remember that. I feel like an ass for making it into a competition.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I say quietly. “You didn’t deserve it. No child does.”

He scrubs a hand through his hair, ruffling the curls. “Yeah, well, life isn’t fair, is it?” He gives me a shaky laugh. “I dwell in possibility.”

“Oh, I remember that one. Is it Emily Dickinson too?”

“Yep.” He grins at me, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

I give him a preening smile. I’m quite proud that I remembered that line though I have no clue how.

“Okay, you asked me about my dad, and I answered. It’s my turn to ask a question.”

I feel a little queasy, but I guess he’s right. “Go ahead,” I say, silently hoping he doesn’t ask me anything about my exes. The answers will only embarrass me.

Jesse cocks his head to the side. “Is OnlyFans really worth it to pay for clothes and shoes and stuff?”

Oh, damn. He’s really going there, isn’t he? I fall back against the seat cushion and wrinkle my nose. I’m going with the honest answer on this one. “I really like nice things.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that. But why? Like really why?”

I definitely wasn’t prepared for this deep a conversation when I asked Charlotte to draw me a map an hour ago. I pull in a long breath and think about his question.

“Well, my former therapist would say it’s all just a façade to keep people from seeing the poor, awkward girl in hand-me-down clothes I used to be.”

His expression widens in pure disbelief. “You used to be awkward.”

I point both thumbs at my chest. “The most awkward. Got made fun of at school and everything.”

He shakes his head. “I . . . I don’t believe it.”

“Yeah, well. The minute I could afford it I had the nicest clothes, the best makeup, a decent car. But it still didn’t change the past. Some things you never get over.”

The moment those words leave my mouth, I know that was a lot to share. Those thoughts—especially the part about how hard I had to work to fit in—have been swimming around in my head for years. Saying them out loud to Jesse is the first time I’ve admitted them, even to myself. My face heats again. “Wow. I didn’t mean to lay all that on you, like—”

“I get it,” he says slowly, nodding, his eyes narrowing a little. “And believe me, I can relate.”

I nod too. I guess we have more in common than either of us ever thought.

“That’s why you like to date rich guys?” he adds with a half grin. “For the shiny veneer?”

Whoa. He’s totally dismantled my emotional armor with one sentence.

I don’t have to say anything, because Jesse reaches out and strokes my cheek. “I see you, Maria. You’re beautiful, successful, smart, and bold. But your clothes, your shoes, your apartment, none of those things make you you.”

I suck in my breath. It’s like a half-gasp, half-wow noise. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. “Is that some other poet?” I murmur.

“No.” He shakes his head slowly. “It’s me.”

I’ve just shared a lot of my innermost secrets, and I still don’t think we’re even. Now’s the time to go for broke. “Okay, if we’re sharing real truth, why did you say you’re the rebound guy? The one that girls end up leaving?”

He tips his head back against the couch pillow and blows out a long breath while pushing his hand down his thighs. “I had a feeling you were going to ask me about that.”

“I’m waiting,” I say in a singsong voice.

He lowers his head again and turns to look at me. “The last serious girlfriend I had decided she was too good for a guy who wore a uniform. That kind of thing sticks, you know?”

“Wait. Your high school girlfriend was your last serious one?”