Page 84 of Gold Rush

Flynn has slept with a lot of women. Fact, not supposition. I’ve seen and heard the evidence. I thought I could benefit from that expertise, that I could diagnose and fix whatever Carson found lacking. I’ve learned a lot from Flynn, but I’ve never felt inadequate. I assumed he’d be domineering, demanding exactly what he wanted. And he tells and shows me what he wants and what he likes, but he’s always more preoccupied with me. With touching and talking and praising until I lose track of how many times I’ve come.

I miss him.

And that was never ever supposed to happen.

“ ‘Wannabe’ or ‘Dancing Queen’?” Lili leaps onto the open spot beside me, bouncing once on the leather booth.

I stare at her. “What?”

My cousin smiles, adjusting the white Bride-to-Be sash she’s wearing. “I’m trying to decide on a karaoke song.”

“Oh. ‘Wannabe,’ I guess? Can’t go wrong with the Spice Girls.”

“So true. They’ve been an important part of my British education.” Lili winks at me before cupping her hands around her mouth. “Gordie! ‘Wannabe’!”

The guy in the DJ booth flashes a thumbs-up.

Lili knocks her knee against mine. “Why aren’t you dancing?”

I eye the gyrating dance floor. “Not my thing.”

“Bet you’d dance if Flynn were here,” Lili teases. “Wren sent me a photo of you guys waltzing at Atlantic Crest.”

I grimace, glancing at my sister. She’s chatting with Collins, her wild gestures as she explains something making Kit’s girlfriend laugh between sips of soda.

“Very different dancing,” I state, although Lili is right—I’d happily rub against Flynn if he were here. That’s part of the problem. He distracts me effortlessly.

Lili laughs. “True. Thanks for the update on your new boyfriend, by the way. I had to find out from my mom, via yours.”

I fiddle with the pink sash identifying me as a member of the bridal party. “I knew you were busy with the wedding, and I … I was trying to keep things private after everything that, you know, happened.”

“As long as you did it because you wanted to, not because you felt like you had to. People have way too many opinions.”

I sigh. “They do.”

I’ve been dodging the messages from Mallory and the other girls I grew up with ever since that birthday party in the Hamptons, knowing they’ll be fishing for details about Flynn. Ones I should be bursting to share, gushing about how amazing he is and how happy I am in the hopes that circulates and changes the perception that I’m a depressed spinster. Instead, I’m reticent to share what feels incredibly personal.

Lili sips her drink. “How serious is it between you guys?”

I shift on the leather booth. “Well … you know Flynn.”

“Not really. Between moving to England and you guys being in Boston, I’ve barely seen him in years. Even when we were together more often, he was mostly off with Kit. Coming up with dares or off partying.”

“He still does both those things.” My cheeks heat as I recall some of the things Flynn has dared me to do. And what happened at the last party we attended together.

I hope it’s dim enough in here that Lili won’t notice. But her eyebrows lift, so I think she might have.

“Yet he convinced Kit, who does know him, that his best friend is going to be his cousin-in-law one day.”

My heart rate picks up at the implication that Flynn mentioned marriage. Then settles back into a normal pace when I recall that’s part of the plan. That Flynn is going to propose, and it’ll be the beginning of the end for us rather than a happy ending.

I shrug a shoulder. “We’re young. We haven’t been together very long. Who knows what’ll happen?”

“You’re right. I hope you also know I’m always here to talk. I know …” Lili hesitates. “I know you thought Carson was going to propose this summer. Don’t feel like you’re asking for too much from someone else just because he turned out to be a cowardly waste of space who didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

I smile at her description of my ex. “I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much. I’ve just realized … it might be harder to find than I thought. That working in theory doesn’t equal working for real. I mean, what are the odds you stumble across your soulmate? What if Charlie hadn’t come to the Hamptons? What if you’d had a different roommate freshman year and Kit had never met Collins? What if Wren hadn’t decided to jump off a cliff the same night as Sawyer did and they’d never met?”

“Of course Wren’s love story is far more exciting than everyone else’s.” Lili laughs, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. “But, to answer your question, I do believe some things are meant to happen. For example, you’d have met Flynn even if he and Kit weren’t best friends. You guys overlapped at Dalton. You were at Harvard at the same time. The way I see it, the universe is really trying to tell you something.”