Page 16 of Shallow Remains

“You’re leaving?” was all he could get out, feeling like the air had been sucked out of him. The logical part of his brain said it really shouldn’t have been that much of a shock. Yet somehow it still was.

She twisted her hands together in her lap. “You know this isn’t easy for me, but we both know this isn’t working. For either of us. If we’re honest, I don’t think either of us have been happy for a long time, and you making the best of things is making it worse.”

How was he making it worse by trying?

They hadn’t fought lately. Had rarely argued throughout their three-year relationship. But he’d made his share of mistakes. They’d drifted apart.

So slowly he hadn’t noticed it at first. Inch by inch, until one day they were just two people sharing a living space and the brittle silences between them had become as hard as a brick wall.

The tension in his gut refused to let up. Some part of him refusing to accept that this was happening. That there was no way to fix this.

“Look,” she went on. “If I don’t do this now, we could lose another ten years or more being polite and trying to force this to work when we both know deep down it’s never going to.”

Maybe she wasn’t wrong. But still that stubbornness flared inside him, along with a flicker of panic he immediately shoved down. “I know I’ve been busy a lot lately with work and SAR stuff⁠—”

“It’s not just that,” she said in exasperation. “Come on, Grey, you know it’s not.”

No. It wasn’t. It was a lot of things.

“And this isn’t just about me. It’s about what you need too. What you deserve.” She watched him a moment, and he was suddenly struck by just how little he knew her anymore. That somehow over the past year or so they’d gone from being lovers to near strangers. “Come on, Grey, don’t look at me like that. You’re not happy. Neither of us is.”

He clenched his jaw. It wasn’t in his nature to give up. But he’d prioritized his paid and volunteer work over her and their relationship.

This was the kick in the ass he needed to make things right. He still loved and respected her. “I’ll try harder. Just tell me what you need from me.” She’d become so distant over the past few months, pulling away even when he tried to connect with her. He didn’t know how to reach her anymore.

She shook her head, expression wistful. “We’re just too different. We don’t have anything in common anymore, and I’m tired of feeling like this. Pretending everything’s fine while the months keep slipping by.” Her brown eyes held his. “Aren’t you?”

Yes. But he was also scared to let go. Some deeply buried part of him he didn’t want to acknowledge was terrified of being alone once she walked out that door. Of being abandoned. “Is there someone else?”

Surprise and hurt flared in her eyes and he instantly felt like shit for asking. “No, of course not.” But there was also accusation.

She’d told him a few times that she felt like he wasn’t in love with her. That there must be someone else he loved and had never gotten over.

She was right. But he would never have hurt her by admitting it. And that person had never loved him back anyway.

He dragged a hand over his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Beth sighed. “We’re both good people. Which is why we need to end things now, before things go on too long and eventually turn ugly.”

He folded his arms and leaned against the doorjamb, struggling to find the right thing to say. Not knowing what the hell to do. Or how to just give up.

“Hey,” she said in a softer tone. “I know you care about me. Even love me in your loyal way, but we both deserve more than that. And that’s why you need to let me go now. I’d rather leave as friends than enemies.” Her gaze held the same sadness and regret that compressed his ribcage.

“Where will you go?” he asked after a pause, unsure what else to say in the suffocating silence between them. The weight in his gut grew heavier as she stared at him. Not just anxiety or dread or even guilt. It was also the weight of certainty. That deep down he’d known this had to happen.

“To my sister’s in San Fran. I fly out of Seattle in the morning. A moving company’s coming to pick up my boxes tomorrow.”

She’d been planning this for a while then.

She watched him for a long moment, unmoving. “I’ll be okay. Will you?”

He made himself nod. Because dammit, she was right. About all of it.

He would never have been the one to end it, not unless she’d cheated. He would have kept going like this, even unfulfilled and feeling disconnected from her. He would have kept trying. Because he didn’t quit when things got hard. He didn’t give up on people he cared about.

So in some sense, she was displaying more guts than he was. Breaking up was the right move for both of them. But it still seemed like such a goddamned senseless waste to just throw it all away after being together for so long. And the sudden thought of coming home to an empty house night after night was so damned lonely.

His ribcage constricted, making it harder to breathe. His brain couldn’t seem to process that this was really happening here and now.