Page 21 of Grumpy Santa

She looks up at me. “I told you I don’t want to get married just for the baby’s sake! Same goes for being together and not married.”

“I’m fine waiting as long as you need me to, Audrey, but there are things that need said. Make no mistake about this. You and I, WE are together. We’re going to be living together. We’re having a baby together.”

“None of those things makes us an actual couple!”

“I don’t follow.”

She exhales. “I know you’ve heard me talk about it and maybe it’s dumb, but I come from a family who believes in ‘the one.’”

“The narwhal thing,” I say on a nod.

“Yes, the narwhal thing.”

“And you don’t believe I’m your one?” I ask.

She glances away from me and that knife in my chest digs deeper.

“I know you deserve better than me,” I begin. “A man with a family like yours. Maybe someone more friendly, less of a giant. I don’t really know what you dreamed of as a little girl. But I can promise you this, no other man could ever love you the way that I love you.”

She gasps, her eyes watery. “But you call me the equivalent of lumpy pastry,” she says.

“What?”

“Your dumpling. I know what knödel means.”

“My Oma was the only person who showed me love and kindness when I was growing up. I didn’t get to stay with her long, but long enough for her to discover that I loved her zwetschgen knödel. They were these amazing plum dumplings and eating them felt like love.”

She stares up at me. “So you don’t call me that to tease me for being squishy and lumpy?”

I cup her beautiful face. “I call you that because the moment I met you, I felt that same sensation. The feeling of being where I belong. The feeling of home. You are my love.”

“What about the baby?”

“I love the baby too.”

“No, I mean, I don’t want that to be why you’re saying all of this.”

“I should have said all of these things a week after we met. But I’d convinced myself that I could never have you. That you would never want me. I didn’t think I could give you what you need.”

“Because of your shitty dad?” she asks.

“Partly, and because of my brief history with women before I met you.”

“Can you explain?”

“I took your virginity that night in the back of the shop,” I say.

She grins. “You did a very thorough job of it too.”

“You took mine that night too.”

“What? How is that possible? Have you looked in a mirror recently? You’re perfect.”

“With a monster for a dick.” I exhale. “This all feels so dumb now. But the truth is, I tried. Twice before. Once in high school and then one other time before I moved back here. It would take one look and the women were done. Not interested. I foolishly thought this meant something about me.”

“What did it actually mean?”

“That my body was made especially to fit yours.”