Page 40 of Raging Fires

“Okay, yeah, she did.”

“Did you give her some?” He shrugged, and Kelli added, “And don’t say ‘sort of.’”

He sighed. “Yeah, I gave her some cash.”

“Jake... why? She had no right. You didn’t need to.” Kelli felt torn between irritation that he had given in to her mother and a certain warmth that he had wanted to help. Surely Jake hadn’t despised her that much if he had done something for her mother.

“I know. I just... well, she’s your mom. I figured she’d go bother you about it. It was only five K.”

“Five thousand dollars? You gave her five thousand dollars? Jake…”

“I know. I know. It just enables her. You told me before. But she looked like such a wreck. I couldn’t kick her out without anything.”

“I know.” Kelli smiled. Whatever Jake was, he had always been big-hearted. She came over and laid her hand on his arm. “I’m not going to bitch you out about it.”

She sank onto the couch, and he sat down, too. They were on opposite ends, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable like it had the night before. They were turned to face each other, his arm on the back of the sofa and one knee cocked up on the couch, the other leg on the floor.

“So did she bug you for money?” Jake asked, pointing at the letter.

“No. It was weird.” Kelli handed the note over to Jake. “She says she’s stopped drinking. Turned her life around and so on.”

“Well, that’s good, right?” Jake scanned the letter. “I mean, she says she has a job, and she’s living in a half-way house.”

“Yes, that’s all good. It’s just… I’ve heard her say the same things so many times before. It never lasts.”

“I remember you said she’d relapsed that time when we were first dating and I took you back to your place and...”

“And she was passed out on the floor?” Kelli shook her head. “I was so embarrassed.”

“No reason. It wasn’t anything to do with you. And I’d been to plenty of college parties. It wasn’t the first time I saw somebody passed out on the floor.”

“You were very sweet about it.” It had been one of the many times that had sent Kelli spiraling deeper into love with him. Jake hadn’t been shocked or critical; he had just picked her mother up and laid her down on the bed and never said a thing about it afterwards, not even in the middle of one of their arguments.

“Sweet? Come on, Kelli, you’ll ruin my image,” he joked.

“Yes, sweet.” She gave his leg a playful nudge with her toe. “Don’t try to wiggle out of it.”

“Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m a keeper.” He grinned.

Oh, man, that smile of his was dangerous. Kelli went hastily back to the subject of her mother. “So, she says she wants to keep writing me and hopes I’ll write her back. I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid she may want to come back here. That’s not bad if I thought she could be trusted. But I really don’t want to get sucked into all that again. Do you think that makes me a terrible daughter?”

“No, of course not. You spent a lot of years taking care of her when she should have been taking care of you. She’s the one who should be worrying about being a terrible mother.”

“Thanks.” Kelli leaned forward a little. “I remember what she was like when I was little. Before my dad died, she didn’t drink. I mean, they’d have a beer with dinner or something, but that’s all. But when he got cancer and was in and out of the hospital, it was just so stressful. I could tell he was wasting away.”

“It must have been really hard.”

“Mom started having a drink in the evening to help her sleep. When he died, she kept on drinking. I understand it now, but I didn’t when I was ten, and even if I had, it wouldn’t have made it any easier to live with. Then she got fired because she came to work drunk, so she quit drinking and went to AA and all that, and then a few months later the whole cycle would start again.” Kelli sat back. “I’m sorry. You’ve heard all this before.”

“No. I mean, I knew what she was like, and we talked about some of the things she did. But not this, not the way it started.”

“Well, it’s not the kind of thing you want to tell the new guy you’re in love with. And I didn’t like to even think about it.” If she was being honest, she still hated thinking about it. “But why I started in on all this was to explain that I remember when we were close. I still love her. But honestly, by the time she took off with that last boyfriend, I was just relieved that she was gone. I don’t want to get into all the chaos and drama again.”

“There’s no reason why you should. Maybe you should write her back and tell her that.”

“That’s awfully harsh. ‘I know you’re my mother, but I don’t want to see you again.’ It seems like people should get a second chance.” Kelli sighed and leaned her head back against the couch, gazing at the ceiling.

“Maybe. But it’s not the second; it’s the fifteenth or whatever. I know I’m not the most sensitive guy, but, really, you have to look out for yourself sometimes. You can’t hurt yourself because you don’t want to hurt her. I’m not saying you have to kick your mom to the curb, but I think you ought to tell it to her straight.” He shifted, putting both feet on the floor, and said, “You managed to do it pretty well with me.”