Page 55 of Winterset

“No. No, of course not. I was as fully at fault. I don’t deny it.” Anna blinked back tears. Her breath was coming in gasps, and she knew that she was close to breaking down. She clenched her fists, struggling to regain control of herself.

Reed looked at her. Anna’s face was pale, with bright splashes of color in her cheeks, and her hair was tumbling wildly down over her shoulders. He did not think he had ever seen her look so desirable, and even now, while anger and frustration filled him, he could not keep from wanting her.

“There is no fault,” he told her roughly. “I am not trying to excuse myself or blame you.”

“Then let me go,” Anna told him.

“Not until you tell me why you ran from me!” he exploded. “I don’t understand it. Any of it.”

“I was wrong to come here,” she said, her voice catching as if on the edge of tears. “There can be nothing between us.”

“Why?” he shot back. “Because you feel nothing for me? Isn’t that what you told me three years ago? You would not marry me because we wouldn’t ‘suit’?”

“I don’t know!” Anna cried. “I don’t know what I said!”

“You cannot remember why you did not want to marry me?” he asked incredulously. “Was it such a small matter that it somehow slipped your mind?”

“No, of course not. Reed, I beg of you…”

“What? What do you beg of me? I have no idea what you want from me. You told me you did not love me. That there was no possibility of love growing in you for me. But back there—” He pointed toward the cottage that they had just left. “Those kisses, the way you melted in my hands—those were not the actions of someone who does not care. You are not indifferent to me. I felt you tremble. I felt the heat of your skin, the eagerness of your mouth. Do not tell me that you did not desire me!”

“That isn’t love!” Anna shot back. “I don’t love you.”

“When you refused me,” he said, his eyes boring into hers, “I was so shocked, so stunned, that I could not think straight. I told myself that I had somehow mistaken the hours we had spent together, that when you had laughed with me, talked to me, you had not felt what I felt. That I had just been too blind to see how bored you were, that I mistook a polite smile for the warm glow of true liking. I told myself that you were false, that you had been playing a game with me, leading me on only to crush my heart beneath your heel. I lived on my anger and my hurt, cutting myself off from you, from this place, removing myself so that I would not have to see your face and feel the pain….”

Anna raised her hand to her mouth, struggling not to give way to tears. Her heart ached. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I am so sorry. I did not want to hurt you. I was too bold, too unthinking.”

“Nay. I think you were too honest. Because of my pain, I did not examine what had happened. But now, since I’ve been back, seeing you again…I don’t believe you.”

“What?” Anna raised her brows. “You are saying that I lied?”

“Yes,” he said bluntly. “I am.”

“Are you so puffed up with pride?” Anna made her voice scornful. “So sure of your charms? Do you think that no woman can resist you? That any woman should be glad to fall into your arms?”

“No. It is just that I am done with stupidity. I have spent the past few days with you. We have talked and laughed just as we did before. I have seen you smile at me. I have felt your lips on mine. You want me, just as I want you.”

“It was a mistake!” Anna cried, desperation rising in her. “It was just a mistake! I shouldn’t have—”

“You shouldn’t have what?” he exclaimed, closing the gap between them and grabbing her arms. “You shouldn’t have slipped? Shouldn’t have let me see what really lies within you? Bloody hell, woman, what is wrong with you? Why won’t you tell me the truth? Why do you run from me?” His fingers bit into her arms. “Why did you refuse to marry me?”

“Stop! Please. Let go of me!” Anna could no longer hold back the tears.

“Tell me why you sent me away, dammit,” he growled.

“I can’t!” Anna cried, sobbing.

“Can’t?” he repeated, and suddenly the anger seemed to drain out of him. He dropped her arms. “You won’t, is more like it. Sweet Jesus, Anna, I loved you with all my heart. I would have given you anything, done anything for you. And you won’t even give me an honest answer.” He turned and started to walk away.

Anna’s heart squeezed within her chest. She hated herself for what she had done to him, hated him for putting her through this, for forcing her to look at the depths of her own cowardice.

Reed stopped and looked back at her. His face was drawn, his eyes dark with emotion. “Did you never love me, Anna? Am I a fool to even suspect you did?”

“I loved you.” Her voice was hoarse, as if the words had been ripped from her, and tears streamed down her face. “I loved you to the very depths of my being. I couldn’t marry you. I couldn’t.”

“Why?” He came quickly back to her. “What on earth kept you from it?”

“Please…”