Page 33 of Drilled

“I’m just teasing, Laney. Look, I won’t lie and say that I am not absolutely flabbergasted at your recent escapades. But, as your friend and paralegal assistant, I do feel the need to remind you that this is a victimless crime,” she said.

“Then why do I feel like I’m the worst person alive?” I asked.

“Did anyone get hurt? Is anyone filing a suit? No. You had a moment of reckless, unadulterated fun. God knows you haven’t had an ounce of it since the Obama administration. Let it go."

"He's his best friend, Nance," I hissed, standing to my feet and pacing the length of the rug on my office floor.

“Were you exclusive with him?” she pushed.

I halted mid-step. “Well, no. But that’s not the point. It’s just the…the principle of things. It feels icky.”

“You, better than anyone else, know that ‘ickiness’ wouldn’t ever hold up in court. You’re human, it’s okay to admit that, and humans are messy,” she said. “You can offer yourself some grace.”

“Silas is an amazing guy, Nance,” I groaned, closing my eyes. “And so is Bear. I fucked up. I was enjoying their company but crossing the line just makes me feel like I did something unforgivable. Flirting is one thing but these men have known each other for years. What if I end up ruining that?”

“You won’t. You had a moment of weakness and got whatever was going between you and Dax out of your system. You didn’t promise anything to anyone, which means you didn’t break anyone’s trust.” Nance leaned forward, grabbing my hands and forcing me to stop pacing. “Lane, it was just a hookup. You didn’t slaughter anyone’s puppy so you can stop self-flagellating.”

She was right, as usual. But that didn’t stop the uneasy feeling rolling around in my belly.

“What do I do?” I asked.

In all the years that Nancy and I had been friends and co-workers, I don’t recall ever asking her that simple but incredibly vulnerable question. I wasn’t leading the charge on a tough case this time. I was trying to pick up the pieces of a small bit of peace I feared I’d broken for myself.

She gave me a soft, anchoring smile and squeezed my hands. “You accept what happened as just a bit of innocent fun between two grown adults. Then you move on, say nothing to the other two and let them finish their job.”

I took a deep breath, feeling more centered and in control again for the first time since yesterday. I was grateful that even though it would’ve been the easiest thing in the world for Nancy to tease me right now, she chose to offer comfort. There was no judgement in her voice, there’d never been.

“Did I ever tell you how insanely lucky I am to have you?” I asked.

“Nowhere near enough for the amount of times I’ve saved your ass, but it’s a start,” she said, and I let myself laugh shakily. “You’ve got this, Lane. You always do.”

Her words were the catalyst I needed to find myself again. The day finally concluded with a successful hearing that injected a fierce, needed surge of confidence in my veins. Climbing off the train and making my way to Logan Square that evening, most of the heaviness I’d been shouldering had finally lifted.

I was still me.

Another very positive feat of the day was that there’d been no angry text messages from Sandy about the zoning variances. And when I stepped through the front door, the house felt lighter. The rhythmic, heavy thud of construction echoed from below, but it didn't trigger panic.

I had this in the bag.

I descended into the basement, dropping my briefcase onto a temporary work table set up just outside the master bedroom. Silas was standing inside where he looked up from a newly framed partition wall, his dusty topknot loose, his face beaming. "Welcome back, Counselor. How’d it go today?”

"A complete bloodbath," I said, a genuine smile breaking across my face as I leaned against the doorframe.

Dax was standing near a stack of drywall, a low-slung crowbar dangling from his fingers. His accusatory glare from the day before was gone, replaced by that familiar, infuriatingly cocky smirk. He looked at me, his eyes dropping briefly down my body before snapping back to my face.

"Well, if the Counselor is riding a high, maybe she wants the honor of finishing off the old regime," Dax said, gesturing with the crowbar toward the final, stubborn patch of historic green tile clinging to the mortar wall. He picked up a heavy, short-handled sledgehammer from the tool chest and held it out to me, the rough wood handle sliding between my fingers. "Swinging this will get rid of whatever residual tension you’ve got left over."

I didn’t imagine the way his touch lingered on the word “tension”. He leaned in just an inch closer, his voice dropping to a low, suggestive rumble meant for my ears only. "Though I’m happy to help with any other tension that might need releasing."

The challenge was blatant. He was flaunting it right in front of the others and it seemed that I wasn’t the only one who’d done some reflecting. Had I not had that conversation with Nance today, I probably would’ve been upset, drowning in my own shame because I found myself enjoying his provocation.

It gave me a rush and stirred up the residual desire and satisfaction I’d felt yesterday. Combined with the high of winning in court, my body felt like a livewire of energy.

God knew I needed an outlet.

"Step aside, Miller," I said, gripping the heavy handle.

"Hold on, you're going to break your wrist holding it like that," Dax muttered. He stepped in directly behind me before I could protest, his massive body pressing flush against my back. The sudden, claustrophobic heat of him sent an instant jolt of new adrenaline straight to my core. His large hands wrapped completely over mine, adjusting my grip down the wooden shaft. It was not unlike what Silas had done with me yesterday, yet completely different in how it made me feel.