Page 46 of Icarus

“There’s also a pool. If you weren’t on your way somewhere we could have gone swimming,” Helios said casually.

Icarus knew it wasn’t casual for him. His ears were red and he said it too fast and had started cutting quieter to hear Icarus’s answer.

“This is nice,” Icarus said. “Being in here with you. It feels more normal than what we usually do.”

Rub

Icarus made Helios take him up to the roof. There was a small ledge that stuck out under one of the windows in the yellow wing that was long enough to sit on with your legs outstretched.

He sat crisscross and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, offering one to Helios.

“I can’t. He’s coming home tomorrow; I feel like he would know somehow.”

Icarus hmmed and lit his. He took a deep breath.

“We can share,” Icarus said. “Come here. Open your mouth.”

He took a drag. Then reached over and clasped Helios’s chin, breathing into him. The smoke curled around their faces, making the edges of Icarus’s eyes hurt.

“Fuck.”

“Do you want more?” Icarus asked.

“Yes,” Helios sighed and leaned in closer, their lips nearly brushing. But Icarus stopped him. Pressed his fingers to Helios’s cheek, put his thumb on the swell of Helios’s bottom lip, and caught him before their faces touched.

“Helios, no. I haven’t done that before,” he said, firmly. “I can’t start with that.”

Helios pulled back. His eyebrows knotted with the sting of rejection, but Icarus didn’t let him go. Pain melted into confusion.

“It would be too much for me to handle,” Icarus explained. “I don’t get touched very often and it’s overwhelming for me most of the time.”

“Oh . . .” Helios said, curious. “That’s . . . unique. Why?”

Icarus let his hand fall from Helios’s cheek and took another drag.

“It’s . . . it just wasn’t as common for me growing up. Now I just feel things differently. More intense. And I know it’s not in the same way other people do, because no one else reacts the way I do when it happens on accident,” Icarus said.

Helios drummed his fingertips on the roof tile.

“And it’s not when you touch other people, it’s only when people touch you.”

Icarus shrugged. “It’s not fair. If I was in control of it, I would just stop it from happening. You want more?”

Helios leaned forward quickly and Icarus blew more smoke into his mouth. Helios made a soft noise, a wanting noise, as he pulled back.

“You’re very beautiful,” he said, eyes opening, hazy.

Icarus laughed at Helios, louder than was safe. “You don’t have to flatter me. I’m already starting to want you.”

Helios groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Why do you say everything so bluntly, god it’s embarrassing.”

Icarus shrugged and took another drag, blowing it out in rings. He just didn’t care. When you don’t have people to be responsible to, or relationships that you have to sustain, you don’t get in the habit of saying things you don’t mean. Icarus told the truth because if anyone didn’t like it, he’d just never speak to them again.

“I’m really not beautiful, Helios, I’m just the only one who’s around while you’re in a tough spot,” Icarus said. “But that’s okay. When you’re free you can go back and live your life.”

Helios shook his head, then looked up at the sky.

“Let’s change the subject,” he said. “Whose party are you going to?”