Page 127 of Ridin’ Dirty

I sighed as I righted myself and offered Carmine a half smile. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“What is it you want?” he asked bluntly.

I hesitated, narrowing my eyes at him. He was acting the same way he always did—but there was something there, something I couldn’t ignore. He was waiting for me. Whatever his tone suggested, he couldn’t hide the sliver of him I swore I recognized.

“You—” I started and then I stopped, looking around, wishing to make sure there weren’t any of his brethren nearby. Knowing it was best to play it safe, I asked, “You’re not like them. You’re not part of it, are you?”

Carmine didn’t respond but stared at me blankly.

“Come on. Stop hiding from me!” I cried. “Stop being such a dick—for once, would you just talk to me?”

“By the time I knew the score, it was too late to back out, not without a knife to the throat. I can’t save em all, not without getting caught, but I do what I can. It’s the only solace there is to this godforsaken life.”

For what felt like the first time in more than six years, a weight I didn’t know I was carrying lifted slightly off my shoulders. I took a breath, the depth of it excruciatingly refreshing, causing my eyes to well with tears.

He was in there.

My brother.

My best friend.

He was still in there.

“Carmy—”

“Damnit, Lyla—don’t you get it? I haven’t been Carmy in a long time.”

I shook my head, causing tears to spill from my eyes. “That’s not true. You’ll always be Carmy to me. Always.”

Grabbing at his hips, he looked away from me, dismissing the notion; but I wasn’t ready to give up yet.

“I want my brother back. Not the overprotective asshole you’ve been, but the guy I can call whenever I need. My friend. My family. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“Bettin’ you’re smart enough to know why the fuck I pushed you away so hard,” he grumbled, scowling down at me. “Didn’t want you anywhere near this life, then you went and fuckin’ married into it.”

“Carm, I get it. I mean, I don’t exactly agree with the way it all went down, and I hate how much time we’ve lost because of it, but I’m good. The Stallions are good. They might not be boy scouts, but I’m safe. I swear, I’m safe.”

“Right. Keep tellin’ yourself that,” he scoffed.

“I will! Because it’s true. Riley is not the enemy, here. There have been exactly three men in my life who have ever made me feel as safe as I do. Dad. You. And Riley. I love him, Carmy—that has to be enough. I can take care of myself. You taught me how. Now you have to trust me when I tell you, I’m good. Would be great if I could get my brother back, too.”

He stared at me for a long time before he shook his head. “This isn’t a fairytale, Ly,” he said softly. “It’s not that easy.”

“Our parents died when we were eight and eleven years old. When has life ever been easy for us?”

“You have no idea the things I’ve done. The things I’m capable of.”

“Maybe not,” I replied with a flippant shrug. “But I’m still here. And as much as you want to protect me, Carmy, I’m not some saint. I’ve lived life without you, too.”

“Yeah? And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, what you’ve done—what matters is the choice we make right now. Tell me you’ll at least think about it.”

He reached up and raked his fingers through his hair. I remembered this. A tall tell sign he hadn’t made up his mind about something.

“I don’t know, Lyla.”

I perked up at his indecision and took a step away from him. “That’s not no.” I took another small step, and another. “Think about it,” I insisted. “If you don’t take too long, maybe I could treat you to a birthday dinner the next night I have off.” I knew it was a long-shot, but I had to try. “You know my number, Carmy—and I’m not going anywhere.”