Page 13 of Not Because You Loved Me

She turned her back on me, and it felt like she took my heart with her.

"Kat, wait… no, no, no, KAT!" I yelled, taking a step after her, but Gideon’s arms wrapped tightly around my chest, holding me back.

"Let go of me, Gid! Kat!" I strained against my twin, watching in horror as she calmly grabbed her things. My mom was crying behind me, covering her face, but that was the least of my worries. I could only look at Kat.

She looked at my family, giving them a polite, gut-wrenching goodbye, and then her eyes landed on me one last time.

"Goodbye, Trent."

The door clicked shut behind her.

"Kat!" I screamed, surging forward with enough force to throw Gideon off me, he scrambled on the floor after me grabbing at my ankles, slowing me down until I lunged out of his hold and slammed against the front door, throwing it open into the freezing night, but her car engine was already roaring to life. Her taillights sliced through the dark, turning down the street and disappearing into the cold.

I stood on the porch in my t-shirt, the sub-zero air burning my lungs, staring at the empty driveway. I had too much to drink, so I couldn’t go after her. Feeling absolutely helpless, I kept staring at the dark road, waiting for her to turn around. But she was gone.

I stumbled back inside, the front door slamming shut behind me. The house was quiet, except for my mom's sniffling in the corner. Gideon was leaning against the wall, staring at the floor, and my dad was looking at me with an expression of profound disappointment that made my stomach turn. I sank down onto the bottom step of the staircase, burying my face in my hands.

My mind was a chaotic wreck. The sound of her words, I am not pregnant, echoed in my head. But it wasn't just the relationship I had just blown to pieces with my own arrogant, stupid assumptions.

For three months, I had been a father in my mind. I had built an entire world around that tiny, fragile life. I had spent late nights staring at the ceiling, imagining holding a dark-haired little girl in my arms. I’d pictured her taking her first steps in the living room of a home we would build together, holding my finger with her tiny hand, having Kat’s bright, curious eyes.

I had fallen in love with a child that didn't exist.

I pulled my hands down from my face, staring blindly at the hardwood floor, my breathing coming in ragged, shallow gasps as the truth finally settled in my bones.

I hadn't just lost Kat tonight. The little girl, the family, the future I’d held in my heart for ninety days, it had all evaporated into thin air, leaving behind a black hole in my chest.

CHAPTER 7

Katerina

January 4

For three days, I lived in a twilight zone of back-to-back games, endless ice baths, and player injury reports. I moved through the arena like a ghost, going through the motions of my job with mechanical efficiency.

Keep busy. Don't think. Don't feel.

It was the only survival mechanism I had. Every time my mind tried to wander, the memory of the past three months would hit me in waves, each detail clicking into place with a sickening thud. The way Trent had suddenly been so attentive and caring. How he looked at me as if I were his everything. The morning he proposed… God… Every sweet gesture, every cooked meal, every lingering touch had been built on a lie. He hadn't fallen in love with me; he’d been performing a duty. He’d thrown a ring at me to wrap up a problem, assuming a diamond would convince me to hand over a secret I didn't even have.

When the last player left our treatment room at the arena tonight, I drove home in silence, ignoring the dozens of missed calls sitting on my phone. I pulled into my driveway, and my headlights illuminated a tall, dark figure sitting on my front porch steps.

Trent.

He stood up the second my car pulled in, stepping into the glow of my headlights. He looked like an absolute wreck. The man I knew was completely gone. His dark hair was messy; heavy shadows bruised the skin beneath his eyes, and his jaw was covered in thick stubble. He wasn't even wearing a proper coat in the freezing January air, just a dark hoodie, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, trembling from the cold.

A deep-seated ache bloomed in my chest. Part of me, the part that loved him, the part that had spent the last month dreaming of a future with him, wanted to run to him, wanted to let him pull me into his arms and make the crushing pain go away. She whispered, he can make it all better. He can protect you and take away all the pain.

But the little girl who had spent her entire life learning that people leave, she turned into the strong woman who had put herself through school and built a career piece by piece all alone... she stepped up and locked the front door of my heart.

I got out of the car, my bag slung over my shoulder, keeping my face entirely blank as I walked toward the porch.

"Kat," he breathed, taking a panicked step toward me. His voice was raw, "Kat, please… I... I just… Please let me talk to you."

"You shouldn't be here, Trent," I said softly, stopping six feet away.

"I know, no wait, that's not right… This is exactly where I should be," he stammered, his words tumbling over each other as he reached for me, his dark eyes wide and bloodshot. "I’m sorry, I just… I couldn't stay at my place, couldn't breathe without… Kat. I haven't slept; I can't... I don't know how to fix this, but I am so fucking sorry…"

"It's cold out. Go home."