Page 30 of Dancing With Guilt

She saw the moment he capitulated and closed the door.

“Can you, uh, can you just give me a minute, Roxie?” Lincoln asked, backing up to the door, staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?” She stepped closer to him, worry flaring to life. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, I just,” he paused, pinched the bridge of his nose, and frowned. “I just need a minute. I have a headache.”

“Too much beer last night?” She asked, but without malice.

“No, just too much happening at once,” he said, so low she almost didn’t hear him.

She’d have asked him to elaborate but he’d made it clear she wasn’t a part of his life anymore. “Want some Ibuprofen?”

“Please.” He nodded and looked back down at her. For a moment, she thought she saw regret in his eyes, but then he blinked, and it was gone.

She poured him a glass of water and took two small white pills out of the economy-sized bottle she kept on hand in the cabinet. Once he’d swallowed the pills and put the glass down, she glanced into her bedroom, where Lily was happily playing Minecraft. “Give me just a minute.”

Lincoln nodded and took a chair at the kitchen table. Roxie gave him a long look to check whether he was really ready for this. He looked nervous, something she wasn’t used to seeing on him, but like he was ready for whatever came his way. A little girl was about to come his way, a very important one. She’d have chosen to do all of this very differently if he’d just let her speak that night, or if she’d taken a hundred different other opportunities to tell him about Lily. But none of that had happened so here they were now. This was how it had to be.

“Lily?” Roxie called out gently to her daughter. Lily was facing away from the door but rolled over when her mother called out.

“Is he here?” Lily sat up, pulling down the lilac sleeves of her long-sleeved t-shirt that she’d paired with blue jeans and multi-colored socks.

Lily hadn’t inherited her mother’s hatred of socks, but she had inherited her love of colors and flamboyance. “Yes, baby, he’s here. Are you ready or do you need a minute?”

Lily pushed herself to the edge of the bed where her mother sat and leaned into Roxie’s warmth. “Is he nice, Mommy?”

“He is, Lily. And handsome, and so, so smart. He’s funny and kind, and I think you’ll really like him.”

“Okay. I think I’m ready.” Lily took Roxie’s hand and looked up into her mother’s eyes.

Roxie’s heart melted when she saw those blue eyes, shaped just like her father’s but tinted with her eye color, and she couldn’t help but hug Lily close. “No matter what baby, I love you. I will always love you, no matter where you go, or who you become when you grow up. I will always be your mother and I will always love you, just the way you are, alright?”

“I love you too, Mommy.” Lily’s small, thin arms wrapped around Roxie’s neck as if to comfort her mother, rather than to be comforted.

Roxie was so overwhelmed with emotion that her throat closed up and she couldn’t blink away tears fast enough. Lincoln must have shifted in his chair because there was a noise from the kitchen and Roxie forced herself to move away. “Come on, let’s go meet your dad.”

Lily didn’t answer, she just smiled up at Roxie and they walked into the kitchen together. “Lincoln,” Roxie called out with cheer that she didn’t actually feel. “This is Lily, your daughter.”

“Hi Lily,’ Lincoln replied, his eyes on the little girl. “I’m so glad to meet you.”

“Hi,” Lily said shyly, letting her head fall so that her blonde hair hid her face. “Nice to meet you.”

Roxie didn’t force Lily to look up, she just took her to the other chair at the table and waited until the suddenly shy little girl sat down. “I’ll just be over here on the couch, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Lily stared down at the table, refusing to look up.

Roxie could only assume she was being shy and looked at Lincoln. He gave a slight nod of his head, as if to accept responsibility for the girl so Roxie could go. Roxie moved over to the couch but faced the kitchen as she tucked her legs under her bottom when she sat down.

“Do you want something to drink, Lily?” Lincoln asked after a long moment of silence.

“No, thank you. I had some juice earlier,” Lily answered, still not looking up.

The conversation was stilted and awkward, to the point Roxie almost broke in, but she held back. They’d agreed that he’d meet Lily first, let her get to know him, and she wouldn’t intrude on that.

There’d been a lot of anger in her heart when he’d first found out, but that had mainly been over the way he came at her with the newly discovered information. It had stung that he’d thought so little of her, that he’d treated her so badly. Now she could understand that anger and just wanted to build a bridge that would allow them to co-parent together. The alternative was that he’d take Lily away from her and she’d never see her daughter again. She couldn’t handle that, at all. Somehow she had to get through this, for Lily’s sake.

“Your mom tells me you like music and ballet,” Lincoln said after another long silence. “I play piano.”