Page 28 of Dancing With Guilt

“So, if I like my daddy, I’m going to stay with him? What if I don’t?” Lily pulled back from her mother to ask.

Roxie’s eyes shot up to Aunt Katie’s and begged for an answer to give her daughter. Aunt Katie shrugged, as lost as Roxie was on that one. “Well, honey, I think you’re going to love your dad and you won’t have to worry about that at all. You’ll see, he’s a great guy and he’s so looking forward to meeting you.”

“I don’t know, Mommy.” Lilly turned around on the edge of the bed and looked down at her feet. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

“What do you mean, what if he doesn’t like you? Why wouldn’t he like you, baby?” Roxie brushed blonde hair from her daughter’s face, a face that was the perfect blend of her father and mother’s best features, a beautiful, trusting face, that just wanted reassurance.

“Because I’m not into sports, or I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t like kids and that’s why he wasn’t around before?” Lily shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but the way her shoulders stooped spelled it all out for Roxie. Lily was worried she wasn’t good enough.

“Listen, your dad wasn’t around because, well, I thought it would be better if it was just you and me and Aunt Katie. He knows about you now, though, and he wants to be in your life. He’s going to adore you, Lily, and I think you’ll love him too.” Roxie pulled her daughter tight to her side and kissed the top of her head. “You’ll see honey, this will work out just fine.”

“I hope so, Mommy. I love you, and you and Aunt Katie are all I really need, you know?” Lily’s blue eyes captured her mother’s and Roxie felt something tug in her chest. She really loved this little girl with all her heart.

“I love you, baby. Now get some sleep. It’s late, and tomorrow’s a big day.” Roxie tucked Lily in and turned off the bedroom light. She left the door cracked with a smile, noticing that Lily had already fallen asleep. The sleep of the innocent, if only it were that easy as an adult.

Roxie joined Aunt Katie out on the balcony, bringing two blankets to fight off the evening chill. “It’s lovely here, Roxie.”

“Thanks, Aunt Katie. A friend of mine is letting me use this place for now.” Roxie took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I thought it might happen one day,” Aunt Katie said with a slight nod. “Lincoln Young was never one to let much get past him.”

“No, he’s not, but I thought I’d covered my tracks well. Nathan messed everything up. I knew I shouldn’t have allowed that man into my life. I was so stupid.” Roxie stuck her knuckles in her mouth to shut herself up and to hide the shame she felt over letting Nathan get the better of her.

“You didn’t know he was a dud, honey. And maybe he wouldn’t have been without the addictions, but he hid even that from you for a long time.” Aunt Katie was the one who pulled Roxie into a hug this time, her chair directly to Roxie’s left. “You’ve been my little girl since your parents hired me so many years ago, honey. I know you didn’t deliberately let a man into your life who was totally wrong for you, or that would bring you so much grief. And you’re not stupid at all. You were in love, and that makes us all blind sometimes.”

“Not Lincoln Young,” Roxie said with a snort. “Or maybe he doesn’t love me. I thought he might, before all of this. I thought we were heading somewhere, but now? I’m surprised he even looks at me now.”

“Give it time, things will settle down and you’ll both have a talk about what’s possible and what’s not. I know you will. I haven’t seen Lincoln for a long time, but that boy adored you when you were both teenagers. You just never noticed it because you were too busy hating him,” Aunt Katie teased gently, her lips twisted up in a smile. “I saw it, don’t look at me like that. He really did have it bad for you.”

“I never suspected a thing,” Roxie said quietly, sitting away from Aunt Katie now. “It’s too late now, but maybe, if I’d known back then, I’d have made different decisions.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t have listened if anybody had told you that back then. You were doing only what you thought was best for Lily and Lincoln. How were you to know it was going to turn out this way, with all this animosity and anger? So many men nowadays don’t want any part of fatherhood, or the responsibility, or the child support for that matter. You were doing him a favor, in a way, and saving yourself the headache of fighting him for anything.” Aunt Katie contradicted herself slightly, but Roxie didn’t point that out.

In a way, Aunt Katie was right though. Far too often men dodged child support, ran away when babies came along, and didn’t want to be parents. Okay, so of course Lincoln had to be different. How was Roxie to know that back then?

“That’s not why I didn’t tell him though,” Roxie said after some thought on it all. “I’ve always been honest about that. I didn’t want us to be a burden to him.”

“I know that sweetie. I just think there’s more than one side to this tale and Lincoln Young better listen or I’m going to bop him right on the nose.” The tall, plump woman with large hands poked at the air in a way that might have made Lincoln’s eyes water but wouldn’t have done much else. “You’ve suffered enough. Now, honey, get to sleep. We’ll sort all of this out tomorrow.”

“I hope so,” Roxie said and walked into the living room with Aunt Katie. They exchanged one more hug before Aunt Katie went into Roxie’s bedroom. Roxie sprawled out on the couch, lost and worried about what the next day might bring to them all.

14

Roxie

“Do you want me to stay?” Nick asked and Roxie looked up at him with a frown of doubt.

“I don’t think Lincoln would appreciate you being here, Nick,” Roxie said from her seat on the balcony. He’d come over with breakfast for all of them, a smile on his face, but with misplaced hope in his eyes.

Roxie knew what that hope was about, but she couldn’t do anything with it. Nick wasn’t the man for her, a friend definitely, but not her man. She didn’t want to lose his friendship, not for anything. Still, she couldn’t seem to make him understand that friendship was all she wanted from him.

Today wasn’t about him, or her even, it was about Lincoln and Lily. That’s why she’d pointed out that Lincoln wouldn’t like him being there. He had to know he antagonized Lincoln, though she suspected he did it on purpose, just to annoy the other man.

“I don’t care if he would appreciate it or not, Roxie. I care about you. Do you want me to stay or to leave?” Nick prompted again, and Roxie looked away, using the excuse of putting her hair up in a bun to remain quiet. “Do you, Roxie?”

“I don’t think it would be a good idea, Nick. My daughter is meeting her father for the first time today. It wouldn’t be fair to Lincoln. No, it’s best if you leave us. He’s not violent and he won’t hurt me, so there’s no reason for you to be here, really.” Roxie looked at him, quiet strength and resolve burning in her eyes.

“I understand,” Nick sighed and broke away from her eyes to stare out at the sea. “Maybe I’ll take the yacht out today, get away for a little while.”