Page 16 of Dancing With Doubt

“This is so not cool, Lincoln.” She mumbled without looking at him. “You didn’t even get my toothbrush.”

“I have extras at the house.” He brushed off her protest, and she could feel his eyes on her, checking to see if she was alright.

“Fine. And stop staring at me.” She knew she should protest harder, she should do whatever it took to get out of this car, but she couldn’t make herself.

She’d missed him so much it hurt, even if she’d had to hide that pain even from herself. She’d kept busy, doing private gigs when she could, but every night the pain had crept in. The loneliness of sleeping without him, only him, had plagued her. She’d taken to drinking a few shots of vodka before she crawled into bed, but even the alcohol hadn’t taken away the misery of not sleeping beside him.

This was probably another mistake, she’d probably end up back at her apartment even more broken than she was now, but she couldn’t make the words leave her lips that would end this stunt of his. She couldn’t say brutal, cruel things to him, lies that would make him take her back home and never come back. She just couldn’t do it. So she glared out of the window, angry more with herself than him.

When they got to his house Roxie pushed open the door of the car and walked into the house. It wasn’t any different from the last time she was there, except his sister wasn’t there this time. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cabinet, and filled it with ice and water. When he came into the kitchen, she glared at him again.

“How do you propose we make this work, Lincoln?” She looked up when he walked over to her, ready to browbeat him into taking her home if he couldn’t convince her. Instead of speaking though, he kept walking until he had her in his arms, wrapped in the safest place she’d ever been.

“This is how, Roxie. This is how we make this work.” He kissed the top of her head when she didn’t go stiff or push him away.

She was enjoying being in his arms again too much to protest. But she couldn’t stay quiet. “Sex won’t cure everything, Lincoln.”

“I’m not talking about sex, Roxie. I’m talking about being here for each other, about honest emotions, not the ones we show everybody to hide what’s really going on inside. When I asked you to introduce me to your world, you weren’t completely honest, were you? You said I had to be willing to push boundaries, that I had to be open to what you introduced to me. But you never said this could happen.”

“I did warn you that emotions could get in the way if you weren’t careful.” She protested, tears in her eyes for some stupid reason. She tried to blink them away but that only made them fall harder. “I told you I don’t do emotions.”

“Ah, but that was a lie, my dear. It seems we both do.” He held her tighter, but then let her go. “Will you stay?”

It was a simple question but there was so much more behind it. She took a deep breath, swiped at her eyes, and looked at him. He was right, whether she wanted him to be or not. She…felt something for him and it seemed he did for her too. Even if she’d walked away from that lunch date with June believing he was incapable of loving someone. “I still hate you.”

“And I hate you, too, Roxie. I hate you so much it seems I can’t sleep without you.” He smiled, an expression that should convey happiness, but it barely reached his eyes. “Please?”

“Fine.” She took a sip of her forgotten water and refused to look at him. This conversation was harder than she could have ever imagined it would be. Looking at him only made it harder. “But we have to fix this.”

She waved a finger between her body and his to emphasize her point. “Whatever this is, we have to fix it. No more surprises, first of all.”

“Not like that, no.” He agreed with a nod of his head. “I didn’t do that setup with June on purpose, by the way, she just showed up. Something my family is in the habit of doing when they find out I’ve bought a new place they want to use. I panicked when I saw her and left. I should have warned you.”

“I see.” Something about the way he said it made her believe him. “Cool. I understand.”

“Good.” He walked over to her and stood in front of her but didn’t hug her again. That was a little disappointing. “How is your head?”

He’d talked to more people than just Wendy then. Roxie wondered if he’d talked to Kitty or somebody else from the studio to get that information because she hadn’t told Wendy about the lump on her head.

“It’s sore, really sore, and my stomach is rebelling again.” She answered, her hand over her stomach as if that would calm it down.

“I’ll make you some toast. Or do you want something else?” He looked at her and waited.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and she felt a warm sensation on her cheeks. She had no clue why she was blushing just because Lincoln offered to make her toast, but she was.

“No, toast sounds good.” She shrugged, not really feeling hungry but food might help. It was also a distraction from her pink cheeks.

Lincoln went about making the toast while Roxie went to the table and picked her phone up from where he’d put it down. She sent one text. It went to Wendy.

I’m going to kill you tomorrow.

Wendy sent back a slew of emojis that ranged from an angel to a crying laughing face and a text message. Sorry, but you know you love me. You’ll thank me one day.

Doubtful, Roxie thought with a mental growl, but as Lincoln put a plate of toast in front of her and sat down, she had to admit she felt better already. Safer. Happier even.

“How is it?” Lincoln asked when she finished her first piece of toast. He’d watched her like he’d prepared a gourmet meal and needed her approval.

“My stomach or the toast?” She asked after a sip of water, not giving anything away.

“Both? Your head? All three?” He smiled at the way he fumbled for an answer, and she grinned despite herself.

“It’s all fine. I had some aspirin for the headache and that’s kicking in.” The toast was dry, but she wouldn’t complain. Butter or margarine might be too oily for her stomach right now. “Can I have a shower?”

“Of course. Go ahead, you know where everything is, I’ll take your bags upstairs.”

She wanted to protest again, demand he take her home. The words ‘you can’t do this’ were on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t make her throat work to actually speak. Which could only mean one thing.

She was where she’d wanted to be all these weeks and now that she was here, she didn’t want to leave. “I’m not quitting my job. I’ve only just got it back.”

“That’s fine, Roxie. Do as you please. But I will be posting someone to watch over you while you’re there from now on.” He said it in a way that left no room for argument. He stared at her, unblinking, until she nodded her head in agreement. “Good.”

Roxie walked up to the bathroom she always used when she was at Lincoln’s place and got in the shower. Luckily, the skin hadn’t broken when the mirror shattered under her head so there were no cuts to deal with as she washed her hair. Just a lump to remind her how different Lincoln was from Nathan.

She walked out of the bathroom and wheeled her suitcases to an empty bedroom. She might have given up on convincing him to take her home tonight, she might have enjoyed that hug, but she wasn’t sleeping in his room or with him. She stared out of the dark window, not happy with herself, but also fighting a little glow of happiness that she was back in Lincoln’s home. He wasn’t far away, and that sense of security she felt when she was with him was back.

Despite her better judgment, she was staying and that…made her smile.