Page 30 of Twisted Love

“Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, my friend,” Rosa answered immediately, her head nodding. “That was part of the problem with my ex, he could never admit to how he felt. I know things are strange with Logan, but maybe talking to him would help?”

“I don’t know. This all started after he actually started to open up to me. Maybe that’s the problem, he feels like he has to back off from me now. He’s opened up and that probably scares him.”

“Maybe so. Men like Logan, they want to be in control, all the time.” Rosa nodded again and jumped because her hair came loose from its bun. “Stupid hair, never wants to stay up where it’s supposed to.”

“Mine doesn’t either. That’s why I use two hair ties most of the time.” Keily laughed, but the pleasure trailed off into a sad smile. “If it’s done, it’s done, I’m afraid.”

“I hope not. You’ve been so happy with him.”

“I have. It’s strange. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” Even with the uncertainty of what she was to Logan, of knowing deep down that she was just his mistress, even with her plans for the future and her ideas of what she’d do when he grew tired of her a few months ago, this hurt. But even with the hurt, she was happy, because maybe it wasn’t done yet.

“Then we’ll just have to figure out how to make this all okay.” Rosa didn’t say anything else and Keily went quiet too, lost in her thoughts.

Two hours later, after Rosa had gone back to her own place, Keily sat in front of her computer screen, staring at a discussion question for class she needed to answer. She couldn’t think of where to even start because all she could think about was Logan.

Was he about to leave her?

The screen faded in front of her as her thoughts took over.

She’d started this whole thing with one intention…to be a trophy wife again. She wanted bigger and better than Joe had ever given her, and Logan gave her all of that. The problem was…she’d become bored with being a trophy wife. Well, not a wife but a mistress definitely.

At first, she’d preened and been the perfect companion for dinner dates, glad to be able to eat food from restaurants that didn’t put the prices on the menus. She’d loved the expensive gifts, the way he always thought of the perfect things to get her. She’d loved the sex even more, and still did.

What bored her was the uncertainty, the empty days, the nights alone. The awkwardness of not knowing what she was. Was she just a plaything that he was about to throw away? Had he already found a new toy to play with?

In the past, she hadn’t cared about Joe’s little drunken forays into infidelity. She’d pretended she didn’t know; he’d pretended they never happened, and they got on with life. Public humiliation had been the final straw with him. Their old friends, people she’d known since high school, stopped calling her. They ignored her on the streets downtown or in the supermarkets. She couldn’t handle that, and she’d left him.

Logan wasn’t like that. He did things that showed he cared, even if he didn’t know it. He took her places, helped her explore life, and gave her new experiences. Life was fun with him, it had meaning, but only when she was with him. Of course, she felt alive with Rosa too, but even Rosa didn’t make her feel as alive as Logan did.

Was that love? Feeling alive? Feeling like you were at home when you were with someone? Did being happy mean love?

She wasn’t sure about any of it and she had work to do, she reminded herself. Logan would be there later, maybe she’d talk with him about it all, finally. Or maybe not. Maybe now wasn’t the time to go rocking the boat. He’d been moody lately, though he didn’t take it out on her at all. He was distant too, and that bothered her, but maybe it really was just work. Maybe it was a phase of some kind, something he needed to work through, and things would go back to normal.

It was best to just wait and see, for now. That was all she could really do anyway.

16

Logan

It was the first night he’d stayed over at Keily’s in a while. He’d had a lot of conference calls to make to California, some repairs that needed sorting, and he’d spent a lot of time away from her because of it all. Being there beside her, her warm body tucked against his, was nice.

Logan fell asleep quickly, his body too tired from a week of meetings, late-night calls, and working around the house. He’d call someone to take care of the problems at the house, but repairing the broken tiles, the leaking faucets, and cutting down the tree that had blown over in a storm the week before was therapeutic to a man that lived a life of luxury and cold offices. Being able to use his hands for more than signing papers and typing was something he liked but didn’t get to do often anymore.

He found himself in the woods, blossoming to life in the spring warmth and filling his sinuses with pollen. He knew he shouldn’t be there, dread filled him, and he tried to turn away, to go back in the direction of his lonely home, but his feet propelled him forward. His brain screamed at him to turn back, but his feet refused to listen.

He was 18 again, his hands strong from the manual labor he did over the winter, shoveling snow, chopping wood for the elderly, and any other job he could find to do. He’d been preparing for the days ahead, days that would be paid for with scholarships and his own hard work. He’d need to eat, to pay for other living expenses, and he’d worked hard. But he’d wanted one last quiet walk in the woods before he took off for his new life.

Somewhere in his mind, he knew his graduation ceremony was the next day, and he was leaving the minute that was over with. He was done with this town and ready to get on with his new life. He should be at home, making sure nothing got in the way of him leaving. Instead, he was out here, in the woods, swatting at mosquitoes.

Branches and pinecones cracked under his feet, but he paid them little attention. There was somewhere he needed to reach, otherwise, his feet would turn around and take him back home, right? He heard a sound in the quiet woods, a laugh followed by the pop of burning wood. Now that he’d heard the fire, he could smell the smoke and his heart started to pound in his chest.

Apprehension was a cold fingernail that scoured down his spine as he walked closer, slowly as his feet decided to prolong this moment. He’d been here before, he knew that something terrible was about to happen, but even though his feet slowed, they did not stop. Each step took him closer, until he saw the orange glow of flames, and for a moment, the glitter as the flames bounced off a metallic keychain in the shape of a butterfly.

It was her keychain, the girl he’d had a crush on but never dared to speak to once they got to high school.

“Hey, who’s out there?” A throaty voice called out, slurred by alcohol or something less savory. More than likely imported beer. That’s what the guy and his friends liked, because the voice was familiar. He knew who it was and knew that he should get out of there. That asshole had been after him for years, though he didn’t know why.

Why didn’t matter, years of being tormented did and he tried to turn, but instead his legs bowed so that he could kneel down and watch. They were all there, all the bullies and the girlfriends, now taking part in a game of ‘find the asshole watching them’.