Page 28 of Winning Her

What was I going to do?

The question whirled around in my mouth as I washed myself thoroughly, grimacing when I caught some spots of red when I washed between my thighs. I washed up twice and rinsed, then stepped out, wrapping a towel around my body and another one around my hair.

I stopped in front of my bathroom mirror and stared at my reflection. It had been a while since I’d last looked at myself, and I realized I had changed. My face looked the same, but after last night, I was no longer a virgin, and it was something I would never get back.

Not that I regretted it. I’d been saving it for the right man, and for me, that had always been Trent.

“But I need to take care of the consequences,” I told myself firmly.

There was only one decision I could make. If Trent found out I was pregnant, would he even let me explain? What happened if he didn’t care and walked away? He would hate me, and he would never forgive me if I ended up pregnant from our one-night stand. Trent would never ever forgive me.

“I need the pill.” The words came out in a harsh whisper, and the look of horror that crossed my face was exactly how I felt in my chest.

After drying up, I looked for new clothes to pull on. I picked up a t-shirt and jeans, then pulled a hoodie on top, pulling the hood down to cover my face. I pulled on my sneakers then picked up my purse and left.

There was a pharmacy a short distance from the hotel. It was close enough to walk. I went slowly anyway, but ten minutes later, I was exchanging cash for the pills I would need.

“Here you go,” the girl behind the counter said, grinning up at me. “Next time you need a plan so you don’t need the emergency pills. A lot of women don’t like taking them. You need to see a doctor to set up a contraception plan.”

I gave her a pained smile. “Thanks for the advice,” I murmured as I walked away.

I wasn’t hiding the fact I was ashamed of what I was doing, and it was nice of her to take the time to explain it to me. I could have just stopped and thought about using condoms last night and I wouldn’t be in the position I was in, I reminded myself. I’d been a virgin last night, but I hadn't been an idiot, so the fault was completely my own.

On the walk back to the hotel, I moved even slower, contemplating this step I was about to take. I shouldn’t have treated sex so lightly in the first place, no matter how caught up in the moment I was, and this was kind of like my punishment. I kept going back and forth about what to do. By the time I made it to my room, I knew what I was going to do, and my eyes were already stinging with tears.

I went to my kitchen and got a glass of water, then sat with it on my small counter. I took five whole minutes staring at the glass of water and the pills before I removed one from the sheet with trembling hands.

“I’m doing this,” I whispered to the empty room. My eyes dropped down to my tummy, and I placed one trembling hand over it, blinking back another wash of tears. “I’m so sorry.”

With that apology, I picked up the pill, threw it into my mouth, and swallowed it down with the water.

An hour later, it was time for my shift. I’d taken another quick shower and dressed in a different set of clothes. I headed down to the staffroom where the lockers were located and pulled on my white coat. I tied back my hair and tucked it under my chef’s hat.

What am I going to do? I thought again.

There was no way I could ever face Trent again, not after last night. Not after I’d thrown myself at him like that. He was already an asshole to me at the best of times; his smirking was going to be astronomical after this!

I couldn't deal with it. It had been hard enough having him laugh at me for a chaste kiss. Him making fun of me after we’d slept together… any bit of self-esteem I managed to gather while he was gone would go down the drain.

Should I quit? I wondered to myself. It might be for the best. I’d have to move someplace else. Maybe back in with my parents? There’d be no reason for us to meet as long as I kept to the servant halls and entries and exits.

I didn’t want to be a bother to my parents, though. Besides, they’d ask why I was suddenly so eager to move back home when I’d been just as eager to leave after high school.

Or, I thought, brainstorming, I could always try moving to another location. The hotel has several branches, and I was offered a job at any of the others…

It would mean going far away from my parents. I’d decided to stay in Charlotte because I didn’t want to be away from them. But there was nothing else I could do, was there? I’d do anything if it meant getting away from Trent and seeing that smirk of his ever again.

My mind drifted to thoughts of last night. I remembered the soft touches he’d placed on my shoulder, the sweet way he’d kissed me. But I knew I couldn’t think of it as making love. To Trent, we’d fucked, and that was it. Everything I’d imagined in my mind didn’t mean anything to him. And it shouldn’t mean anything to me either.

Trent was a dick, I’d known it for a while. What had been so beautiful to me would just be another weapon in his arsenal, and I was not going to stick around for him to use it against me.

I had a feeling if he ever did use it, it would be enough to destroy me. I could leave after he’d done it, or I could do it before, and I knew which I was going to pick for the sake of my self-preservation.

I’m sorry Mom and Dad, I thought, sending out another round of apologies. I know I’d been the one to make the promise, but it looks like I’m going to go far away.

I was determined, and as I went to work, I wasn’t distracted.

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