Page 27 of Protecting Her

“Oh, you only like that horrible wine of yours. I’d never make a good bartender for you.” She laughed, and I felt relieved. Tears and crisis averted!

“You might, you never know.” I took one more sip and put the glass down. “Now, tell me what’s happening with everybody. What’s the gossip?”

We settled into a long chat about the new girl that had taken my place and how she only had a one month contract; she'd been next on the list. Something about that made me cringe, I didn’t like knowing someone else was on my stage.

At least she wasn’t singing my songs.

“I tell you, Mark’s gone stupid over her, but I think it had more to do with what’s in her shirt than what she sings. She’s not as good as you, and her lyrics are kind of, well, boring.”

“Well, thank you for that ego boost. I needed it.” I laughed and wiped a tear from my eye. Sarah could be very cutting when it came to other people.

“No problem. Hey, listen, if you ever want to come back, you know you have a place at my house, right? I’ve always got room.” Sarah had been left the house she’d grown up in when her parents died in a car accident. She didn’t have to pay rent, and the house had five bedrooms. More than enough for guests.

“I appreciate that. Maybe one day.” When I didn’t want to avoid Kevin anymore, when the hurt was gone.

“Thanks. I’m going to get back to work now. You take care of yourself, Ember. I’ll call you again soon.”

I thanked her for thinking of me and turned the phone off. At least someone wanted me to come back. I stuck my thumbnail between my teeth and chewed at a hangnail. Why was Kevin on the hunt for me? Did he want me to pay him back since I’d left him before he was finished playing with me?

No, he’d never said anything that would make me think he wanted repayment. In fact, he’d been explicit with the fact that he didn’t want to be repaid. I’d left with a clear conscience on that front, at least. Maybe I should have given him a chance to explain himself, but I hadn’t wanted to.

So many times Graham had sweet talked me into ignoring behaviors and actions that should have sent me running. I’d take a deep breath, shut my eyes, and force the problem to the back of my mind. I didn’t ever want to do that again and refused to do it with Kevin.

Which is why I was mad at myself for rolling over when Kevin would disappear on his business trips. Okay, I always knew where he told me he was, but how did I know any of that was true? He’d cut off all communication in the times when he was gone.

I didn’t think he had other women, but I thought he had a life outside of our relationship. One that meant he couldn’t take us seriously, or he’d have tried a little bit harder to call me, to not leave me so lonely.

I hadn’t said it to Sarah, but all I wanted to do was run back to Nashville. I’d come to love the city, the place where I lived and worked, and Kevin. I mainly wanted to run back to him, but I was trying to hold my resolve. I went to the kitchen for another glass of wine to fortify myself with.

I missed him so much. I missed the way I felt in his arms, the way he made me laugh uncontrollably, and the things he did when we were in bed. I missed that part a lot. My body craved his touch, and right now, I felt as if I was going through withdrawals after being away from him for so long.

Could you be addicted to a person? In a non-codependent sort of way? I didn’t think you could, but my body said otherwise. More than once since I’d moved in I’d found myself staring at the key ring that hung just by the door on a rack. I’d never learned to drive, but I had keys to my door, the one downstairs, and to the mailbox below.

I could just leave those in the owner’s mailbox and walk away. I didn’t care about deposits, not really. I could always make more money, but could I live with myself if I gave in? Would he even want me back after I’d left him like that? I doubted it, I hadn’t even let him explain the situation.

“But that’s giving him credit where it might not be deserved,” I said out loud to myself.

Kevin had been different from Graham, in many respects. I can’t say they were a matching set, not at all. They did share similar qualities though. Graham hadn’t let me make decisions because he thought I was stupid. Kevin hadn’t because he liked to surprise people. Graham had never hid a child from me, but I knew he’d be the kind to ignore paternity suits and a child if he had one. We’d made very sure I couldn’t get pregnant, something I’d hated at the time, but now I was glad I hadn’t tied myself to him in that way.

To either of them.

I wanted to cry again because now I wondered if I’d ever find a man to have kids with. I wanted babies, little sprouts of love to cuddle and raise until they turned into teenagers who hated you. I wanted that experience, though. I guessed I’d just have to wait a little longer.

I know there’s a man out there for me, one who will check all the right boxes. I thought that man had been Kevin, but now I knew differently. There’d never be a future with a man like that. Not for me, anyway.

With a huge sigh, I found the remote, sipped at the glass in my other hand, and tried to find a movie to watch to pass the time.

I had to move on with my life. That had been easy to do when it came to Graham, but it was proving a lot harder with Kevin. I was sure many would have said I should have been glad for the experience, and in a way, I was, but in others, I wasn’t. I really didn’t need to be taught a lesson on how fragile my heart was, I’d known that my entire life after all.

It would have been nice if Kevin had been the one. I could have died happily with the life we could have made. But it wasn’t meant to be. Somehow, I had to get used to that.

Kevin

“Isn’t that the wrong direction to be heading in?” I heard Emily’s voice through the car speakers and smiled.

“It probably is, but Mason’s made a fool of himself more than once. He knows how to make up for being a dick.”

“Well, I’m sure that language isn’t necessary, but I know what you mean.” Since when was my sister a prude, I thought, but let it go.