Page 81 of Fake it With Me

He sighed. “I know. I just feel helpless.”

“But you’re a fighter. You’ll never stop fighting. Even if Thursday doesn’t go your way, that doesn’t mean you stop.”

“I’ll never stop.”

We settled back into the pillows, wrapped around each other. I felt the tension leaving his body as exhaustion took over. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sleep. My mind was spinning with various thoughts.

My feelings for him had deepened tonight in ways I hadn’t expected. It wasn’t just love anymore, though it was definitely that. It was something more profound. I felt a strong desire to protect him.

I’d never felt this way before. I never wanted to take someone’s pain and carry it for them.

I supposed that was what it meant to truly love someone. The fear and the vulnerability and the desperate need to make everything okay even when you had no power to do so.

I stroked his hair, watching him sleep, and made a silent promise. Whatever happened at the custody hearing, I would be there. I would support him, testify for him, do whatever was necessary to help him keep Daisie.

28

DAREK

I’d been pacing outside the courthouse for twenty minutes, wearing a path in the concrete sidewalk, and I couldn’t stop. My lawyers had told me to arrive early. They asked me to look calm and confident. But calm and confident were the last things I felt.

I was terrified. Nauseated. I had been since last night. Liza had slept in my bed again last night but there was no sex. She just held me and did her best to keep me calm.

But there was no calming me. I was a fucking basket case.

I hadn’t been able to eat anything since lunch the day before. Liza had tried to convince me to eat some toast for breakfast, but I was too afraid I would end up vomiting in the middle of court. That was not going to look good.

“Darek, you need to breathe,” Liza said, catching my arm as I made another circuit. “You’re going to hyperventilate.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. And you’re scaring Daisie.”

That stopped me. I looked over at my daughter, who was sitting on a bench clutching the stuffed whale Liza had given her. She was watching me with wide, worried eyes. She was wearing the dress we had picked out together. Her hair was neatly braided. She looked small and vulnerable and absolutely terrified.

Because of me. Because I couldn’t keep my anxiety in check.

I went over and knelt in front of her. “Hey, kiddo. You okay?”

“Are you in trouble, Daddy?”

“No, sweetheart. This is just a meeting with a judge. Like I explained, remember? She’s going to ask some questions and then everyone goes home.”

“But you seem scared.”

I forced a smile. “I’m just nervous. Like you get nervous before a test at school. But it’s going to be fine.”

She didn’t look convinced, and I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t convinced either.

If things went badly today, I wouldn’t know how to go on. The thought of losing custody of Daisie—even partial custody—was unbearable. She was everything to me. My whole world. And the idea of some judge deciding I wasn’t fit to be her father was beyond my comprehension. Like it was so horrifying, my brain refused to think about what that would mean.

“Mr. Sullivan?”

I turned to see my legal team approaching. Aaron Brennan, lead attorney, and his associate Brittany. Both were dressed in their courtroom best, carrying briefcases, looking professional and capable. I paid them a fortune to be professional and capable.

I just hoped it would be enough.

“We should head inside,” Aaron said. “Get settled before the hearing starts.”