Page 3 of Lash’s Love

That is one of the reasons why I don’t believe those fucking whores when they are running their mouths about him taking them to our apartment in the clubhouse or even going with them to their room. Toby has never been like that, I know he wouldn’t start now, but we are going through a rough patch and being pregnant with everything going on I am insecure. I know I asked him to stay away and I have made sure I am not around because being around him makes me angry. There are so many things I blame him for right now, logical or not. I miss my mother, I miss my babies and the club, my family and Toby are to blame for everything that has happened.

Then they are keeping things from me about what is happening. I have no idea what they are doing to get my babies back. My father, my brothers and my husband will tell me nothing. Toby and I have had very few secrets in our relationship, most of them have to do with the club. Some of the secrets I have been keeping started after this whole thing went down, I don’t feel like I need to tell him anything because of the fact he has kept me in the dark on so many things. I feel like a shadow of myself right now, just going through the motions. I feel a chunk of myself is missing. I pull out my phone to send my message.

Me: Toby, the kids will be spending the weekend at your parents house. They won’t be coming home after they get their schoolwork done. Your mama asked to have them this weekend. So if you want to come over to see them, you can head over there. I will be painting this weekend.

I don’t even get a chance to put my phone down before it beeps.

Toby: hey baby, the kids will be going over to my parents house for the weekend. You and I need to talk.

Seems that he and I are very in tune. Other than needing to talk. Which I don't. I need my space from everyone related to this club, rational or not. If they are not going to find my babies I will see what I can find. Not only am I a great artist, no bragging happening here, but I am also really great with computers. I should’ve done this months ago, but I just assumed these assholes would have gotten my babies back by now. Well fuck it if I am going to wait anymore. I have been working with the Sirens too to learn anything new about computers I can. As well as asked them to put me through their training for new recruits. However, being pregnant I can’t really do the physical training yet. That will have to wait til after I give birth.

Me: we do not have anything to talk about right now Toby. I told you I need space from the club, from you.

I put my phone down and walk back to my art studio where I can finish my paintings. When I get to the door to begin closing it, I hear the front door open and then the sound of motorcycle boots walking around the house. Which only means that either Toby or my family has shown up. Well they can find me if they want. I am going back to my painting hopefully in peace. As I pick up the paintbrush and begin putting it to the canvas the door to my studio opens. I do not bother to turn around, I know who it is, my body is in tune to his, even if I don’t want it to be.

Chapter Three

Lash

I read her text as I was walking up our drive, I didn’t bring my bike here, I didn’t want her knowing I was coming. Didn’t want her to run, not that she would. I just need to talk to her without her stressing out. She seems to think right now all we have to talk about is the kids and her pregnancy, that is not true. I know my girl and she’s got a lot of stuff going on in her mind and she is not talking to anyone about. I need her to talk to me about it because we need it out in the open to fix it. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had enough of this time apart and I’ve decided she’s done making demands about me staying away. I want to be home with my kids and my wife. So we are going to get this shit out in the open.

I walk up to the front door and unlock the door, walking in and looking around. She's not in the kitchen or the living room. She’s probably in her little studio we had put together for her. She’s an amazing artist not just a tattoo artist, she loves all forms of art. Sometimes it depends on how she is feeling, whether she is sketching or painting. Lately I would have to guess that she’s painting her feelings away. Her studio is on the main level of the house so I turn down the hallway to go to her little oasis. I don’t bother knocking and just walk on it. Sure enough there she is standing by the easel with her water paints.

I know she knows that I am here, her back tenses, but she doesn’t turn around so I walk up behind her and run my arms around her belly and cradle her little bump. You would never guess this woman had six kids going on seven. We don’t say anything for awhile and she eventually melts into me like she used to before all this madness has happened. We haven’t had a moment like this in the past few months and I’m surprised she is allowing me to hold her like this. It’s almost like she reads my thoughts because she begins to pull herself away and I just want to hold on tight.

“Baby, let me hold you.”

“What are you doing here, Lash? The kids aren’t here and I thought you were doing shit at the clubhouse til after the kids were done with their schooling with your mama.”

“First off baby, since when the hell do you call me Lash? That has never been us. Second I was supposed to be on duty, but Tanner swapped with me so I could come over here and be with my wife. We need to have a serious talk. I need you to talk to me about what is going on in that beautiful head of yours baby, I can’t keep living like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. There is nothing to talk about. I can’t do this with you, if the kids are not here you don’t need to be here. This is all just too much.”

“What is too much? Sophie, we’ve been together since we were fourteen years old. Since when do you shy away from talking to me? Since when do we shut each other out? I know you’re angry, I know you blame me and you blame the club for what happened to your mama and what is happening with Dash and Dallas. Yell at me, express yourself because this, what you are doing is not healthy. I want to be here with my family and until we hash everything out and instead of you just shutting down this will never get fixed. Just talk to me, damn it! I love you and I love our family. I want to be here for more than just the kids. I need you baby.”

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and she can’t look me in the eyes. “I cannot do this with you right now.”

I know in order for us to get everything out in the open I’m going to have to make her angry. She’s holding everything in and she won’t tell me how she is feeling and I need her to open up, I need to have this conversation so that I can tell her what the club has voted and decided. I don’t have much time before the other charters get here to help us out with our plan. So I guess we are going to fight until she finally gets everything off her chest. I will be having my wife before I leave this house today, she just doesn’t know it yet.

“Well frankly Sophie I don’t care if you can or can’t do this right now! We are talking about this now damn it! You are a shell of yourself! We have been together since we were fourteen fucking years old! What the fuck is your problem? Why in the hell have you been such a bitch for the past four months? I’m over your behavior and honestly you do not get a say anymore about whether I stay in my mother fucking home with my fucking family!”

Yeah, if looks could kill I’d be a dead man. But at least she is feeling something other than numbness. Her eyes have narrowed at me and I swear she has slits in her eyes. We’ve fought before, what couple hasn’t, but she’s never looked at me like this. We’ve never gone through something like this before either. She is breathing heavily and I make the mistake of looking at her from head to toe. Her tits are fucking amazing and when she is pregnant, damn. I know I shouldn’t stare, but fuck me I haven’t been with her in months. She’s so fuckin beautiful and I love it even more when she’s pregnant with my baby. We might already have six kids and one on the way, but I’m pretty sure I’m just going to knock her up again. My brothers have made jokes about me having a pregnancy kink because of how often my woman has been pregnant since we got together. It does turn me on when she is pregnant with my kids, but she doesn’t have to be pregnant for me to want all of her or to be the most gorgeous woman on this earth.

Breaking me out of my thoughts and perusing her body I’m hit with a paintbrush. I can’t help but chuckle.

“I have no say on whether or not you stay here! You fucking asshole! I have every right! You might be my husband, my ol’ man, but I do not care! This club has done enough, you’ve done enough! It’s always club fucking business, it’s always the club comes before family! So why don’t you stay the fuck at the clubhouse and forget this family exists!”

“What in the actual fuck are you talking about! You and this family are my fucking everything! MY WHOLE DAMN WORLD! How fucking dare you! I have loved you my whole fucking life! This is killing me, Sophie! I know it’s killing you too. Why the hell can’t you just work this out with me! I need you! We are going through so much right now and you won’t lean on me! We are all fucking grieving and going crazy with worry about the kids.”

“But are you really?” She looks at me and sneers. “You in fact know what is going on with the twins or at least have something to go on because I know they send shit to the club! You are all keeping me out of the fucking loop and they are my fucking babies! I grew them! I birthed them! But it’s club business so we can’t possibly tell the women what is going on. I have every right to know what the hell is happening and what you fuckers are doing to get my children back! This wouldn’t have even fucking happened if the damn club took care of the fucking problem before shit hit the fan! If you would’ve fucking been on time to pick the kids up that day, mama would still be here and all my kids would be under my roof! You and I wouldn’t be having any problems and you’d be home in our bed every night! Why is it that every fucking man seems to wait until tragedy happens before they get their shit together! I’m hurting! Everything hurts all the time! I miss my mama and I can’t breathe because my babies are missing and I am constantly waiting for some sort of terrible news! I blame you and that is hard and horrible because I miss you! I blame my father, my brothers and even in some weird way don’t want anything to do with my sisters or little brother because they are a part of this world that I am starting to resent and not understand how any of this happened.

In a time where I should be there for David and Tillie, shit I should even be there for Peyton and Parker, but I can’t! This world that used to mean so much to me has now turned everything upside down and I don’t know what way is up! I’m barely hanging on! I blame everyone! We had a system to get the kids. Who would even target kids! Who would target a 51 year old woman? A mother of 10 children, a grandmother! I can’t understand any of it and none of you are telling me anything! I can’t even understand the fact that this man is blood! That he is a man who my grandfather didn’t know existed, how does a man have more children and not know they exist? Then what kind of uncle takes his niece’s children and kills his brother’s wife? I’m not weak and I’m not some fragile little bitch who can’t take care of herself, but you are all treating me like I am! You all are making me hate you! You are all making it hard to breathe!”

She has tears pouring down her cheeks and she is breathing heavily. I walk over to her and cup her cheeks so she’s looking into my eyes while my thumbs wipe away the tears and try to catch any more that are coming from those beautiful blue eyes.

“I know you’re hurting, baby and you can be angry with me all you want because you know that despite everything I’m not going anywhere. We are going to get through this. We are going to have all our babies back together and we are going to fill this big house I built for you with more. We are going to get more than your parents because I’m determined for the whole world to know that I love you so much, filling you up with babies and letting pieces of you and me out in the world is one of the ways I show you our love is eternal. My love for you is so much more than any problems we have, that my love for you is stronger than anything and no one can take that away from us.”

I then lean down and capture her mouth with mine. She fights it at first and I know she’s angry, but she was made for me. Our hearts and souls are connected, she melts into the kiss and it begins to deepen. I reach down to her ass and pick her up as she wraps her legs around my waist. Not wanting to walk too far with her, I walk over to the large couch she has in her studio and place her down gently. I hover my body over her, but am careful not to put too much of my weight on her. I reach down and lift up her tank top till it clears over her head and throw it over my head. Grateful that it is just a tank top with one of those built-in bras, I lean down and kiss her breasts and begin sucking one of her nipples into my mouth. She whimpers as I use my mouth on her.