Page 68 of These Tears

Then he reaches again.

I grab his forearms without thinking, breath sticking to my teeth, fingernails digging in hard enough to bunch the protective film over the fresh tattoo. I don’t even know what I’m trying to do here – just that I must try and stop him.

Hard muscle jumps beneath my palms and his breath falters, but he doesn’t pull away. Heat and strength burn beneath my fingertips. I hate that terror doesn’t stop me from noticing.

His knuckles skim the side of my neck as the camera strap slides free, barely enough contact to count, yet my skin reacts as if he dragged his whole hand over it.

When his fingers aim for the collar of my coat, the word ‘No’ falls out on a breath – not enough to save me, only loud enough to make him enjoy it. His hand ghosts down to the buttons anyway.

Pause. Tug. The sleeves slide halfway down my arms. Each brief brush of his knuckles leaves something behind; little tracks my nerves insist on following even as every thought in my head has turned into a scream.

He hangs the coat over the bag.

‘Elias, stop this!’ The words come out too quiet. I’m still holding his wrists, but my hands won’t put any strength into it. They just move along with his motions as if they weren’t there at all.

His eyes abandon mine, tracing the hollows beneath my collarbones, my shoulders…

My chest.

He moves as if he has all the time in the world. As if my fight is nothing at all.

When he finally touches the buckle of my belt, a cry lodges behind my tongue, more pressure than sound.

I snap.

My hand slices through the narrow space between us and cracks against his cheek with all the force that had been trapped beneath the fear.

The sound echoes in the stall as his head snaps to the side, both hands smacking the panel just above my shoulders to steady himself. His arms lock me between them, close enough that the warmth of his chest rolls into mine. I feel every wave of violence he swallows in the inches separating us.

For a heartbeat, neither of us breathes.

His chin dips. Just a fraction. Then begins to turn towards me with a prowling patience that feels almost bestial.

His chest undulates faster, each intake of air carving deeper than the last, as if his lungs are fighting for space.

A flush has spread over his cheek.

My lungs seize halfway through the next breath, fingers curling against the metal partition behind me.

I meet his eyes, their pupils dilated so much they almost drown the azure around them.

His mouth parts, and something about the sight sends an entirely wrong pulse through my stomach.

My heart drops. Sound, air, thought – gone. I don’t know whether a second passes or an eternity, only that the world might explode if I make a single move.

I watch something strain against him, pulling at the leash.

And then it happens—

A single tear slips free from me, tracking down my cheek.

His gaze catches on it.

Whatever was stretching his composure falters. His next breath tears out so sharply it nearly whistles, and he steps back until his back hits the opposite partition wall.

The impact rattles the metal.

Cold air rushes into the space between us.