Page 35 of The Cheerleader

No, not a stranger. He’s that boy I helped when we were kids, the one who I still have dreams about sometimes, whenever something disturbs me, like the upheaval of my life last winter.

Stranger or not, my knee-jerk honesty in his presence has to stop. I don’t owe him my life story when he hardly says a word about his. I don’t care if he’s so real and authentic that I can see him down to the raw bone. And how is it possible that at the same time, he’s so unreachable?

He doesn’t frown, but the tease of his dimple disappears and his interest picks up. Please don’t ask. Please leave it alone. I beg him with my expression, trying to hide myself, and at the same time trying not to lose my cool.

“What makes you an ex-princess? Don’t tell me you’re down and out.”

“Why not? Why can’t my family be hit by the recession like everyone else’s?”

His amused expression returns when he should be ashamed or apologetic or something.

“No reason. But I think the princess state of mind goes deeper than a few extra bucks.”

“Really? I hate to tell you that my state of mind—princess or not—has been rattled straight down to my bones and I feel like… “ Shit. I don’t even know why or how to explain how I feel. Displaced? Out of my element? Insecure? Worried. Afraid.

“You’re scared, aren’t you?” The rumble in his voice deepens as he moves closer, his expression changing, intensifying, moving almost to concerned but stopping short at curious, possibly disbelief.

“Is that so hard to believe? My dad is having a hard time finding a new job, and we may have to sell the house. The only jobs are on the West Coast for less money, and if my parents leave Connecticut, my tuition will go up and⁠—”

“Woah. Slow down, Princess. I believe you.”

The words poured out of me, leaving me breathing heavy. Why should I tell him things? I haven’t talked about my fears with anyone else, not my parents, not even Liz. So why do all those scary emotions spout out of me now to him, like an overdue geyser? I’m sharing all my worst fears with a boy who’s a mystery from my past, a ghostly dream come back to haunt me.

His arm goes around my shoulder, sparking my fragile nerves, and I jerk away at the sudden closeness, shivering like I’ve felt that ghost. Or maybe it’s physical excitement that shudders through me. The idea almost makes me smile, almost makes me lean into him for more—until I remember Liz.

“Let’s go outside and get some air.” He stands and takes my hand, forcing me to rise with him or pull away. I don’t have it in me to pull away. I need to talk to him about our first meeting, for him to tell me he remembers, to ask him all those questions I never had a chance to ask him, to find out what happened to him.

He says something to Eldy and then leads me to the back door a few steps away, and we step outside into the night, lit by a single bulb and the stars. He leans against the building and pulls me into his arms against him. My heart thunders with the contact, so intimate and foreign and yet so compelling and natural that I don’t consider backing away.

“What are you doing?” I ask, somehow keeping the nerves from my voice.

“Getting to know you. Isn’t that what Liz wants?”

I frown in confusion, and he lets out a derisive chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Princess, you’re safe with me. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do.”

I try to step back, and he stops me, defying his own words. I arch my brow.

“Do you really want to go back inside?” he whispers, caressing my back with a large hand, moving it up and down slowly like I’m a skittish animal that needs settling.

Technically, I suppose I am, and that makes me smile. “No, but I’m not out here to make out with you either.”

“Then how about just a kiss?” He lowers his voice and lowers his head so that his breath tickles the hair at my temples. “One innocent test.”

“Test?” I murmur, wondering how innocent a kiss from him could be because I already feel guilty as sin. And yet⁠—

“I think you’re beautiful. I like your princess attitude and your expressive eyes, especially the gold specks and how deep they are. I like how serious you are compared to the other girls.” He draws in a deep breath, and I hold mine. “Most of all, you turn me on.”

I tighten up. “What about Liz?” The words come from somewhere not attached to my brain because I can’t think. Maybe from my guilty conscience. Am I going to let the guy she has a massive crush on kiss me, even if it’s an innocent test kiss?

“I’m not with Liz. And I never will be.”

I suck in his words and feel a pang for Liz.

He takes my speechlessness as permission and lowers his mouth to mine, hot and strong, as he kisses me—a real kiss, no minor test, hard and intimate like he’s trying to start something, like he wants a whole hell of a lot more than a kiss.

It’s a kiss like I’ve never felt before, the kind that makes me float away. Clearly, I’ve lost my mind. Todd never made me feel this way for one second.