Page 75 of The One Timer

“Are you sure that’s…appropriate?”

“Sure. Old Molly wouldn’t have it any other way, would she?” He tries for a grin and I nod, my smile quivering like it’s about to fall apart. He stares at his watch. “Besides, it’s still my home. I suppose that old place will always be home to me.”

We drive in silence. My mind wanders back to Sheryl referring to Mrs. W as ‘Grandma Molly,’ and the way she was so comfortable with the older woman, so familiar, so much a part of the Whittier world—the small world of Louisburg Square and a world very far away from where I am.

Far away from where I’ll ever be.

Except I can’t kid myself and say I don’t want to be wherever Chase is.

Right now, that seems hard to pin down. He has one foot in the world of hockey and the other in his family’s world—though I’m more comfortable in the hockey world, that space is not exactly my neighborhood either.

And he won’t be playing hockey forever, but he’ll always be devoted to his family.

So where does that leave me?

Tonight, it leaves me in his arms, in his bed, tired and sated and living in the moment, telling myself I deserve to indulge, telling myself to accept what we have and want no more.

The problem with that is that I’m in love, that my heart and soul is committed to him no matter if my brain says I need to be independent.

And all his love-making and all those soft beautiful words he whispers in my ear fall just short of declaring love, short of promising commitment.

Chase’s alarm goes off early and we both get up and get ready to leave with single-minded determination, undistracted by the scent of sex in the bed clothes. Okay, maybe I’m distracted for a second, but I don’t let it stop me from dressing and rushing down the stairs right behind Chase, neither of us stopping until we reach the back door.

“I’ll call you later,” he says, “after hockey.” After hockey. Because that’s what he’s committed to. He kisses me, but it doesn’t feel right.

Nothing feels right as I leave, but I shove the discomfort aside because I have school. And finishing nursing school is what I’m committed to. Right?

I go to school and in between classes I get a call from the rehab center. Shit, I hope nothing’s wrong. I answer the call.

“Emery, this is Human Resources. We’d like to offer you a full-time position as a staff nurse, pending your graduation, to start in May.”

Almost dropping the phone, I manage to tell them I accept, but the woman laughs and points out that she hasn’t even told me the salary yet. When she does tell me the salary, I actually do drop the phone.

The rest of the day I’m on air, thinking about graduating in three months and starting an amazing job at a ridiculously amazing salary. I’ll be able to afford a studio apartment of my own like Merry’s.

When I get home I plan to share the good news with my Aunt and cousins, but Penny’s boyfriend Dugan is there and he’s holding a bottle of champagne.

“You’re here just in time,” Aunt Bea says. “We’re celebrating Penny and Dugan’s engagement.”

All thought about my future job disappears with the pop of the champagne bottle’s cork hitting the ceiling. The surprising news fills me with a warm rush of real joy for Penny and her new fiancée.

We exchange teary hugs and jump up and down and I drink champagne and Petra announcing she’s moving out to be with him and how she can have her bed now.

“Thank you, but you know I was planning to move out as soon as I graduate and start working.

“Are you moving in with Chase?” Her voice rises with a spark of interest.

“No. On my own.”

Aunt Bea shakes her head and sniffs, like she has a cold. “If that’s how you want it.”

“I got a job offer today. I’ll start full time at the rehab center in three months.”

“Well now, I suppose they’re paying you well.” Her voice is expectant, so I tell her how much I’ll be making.

“When you leave that’ll make it hard for me to afford this place. I might have to down-size to a one bedroom.”

“A one bedroom? But mom, where will I sleep?” Petra says, then she looks at me accusingly.