Page 27 of He Has Santa

“Never mind. You know I’m not a kiss and tell kind of girl.”

“So there was kissing involved.” I laugh.

“He stood up for me when Ken tried to intimidate me into having a lunch date. He’s been nothing but loving and attentive with Nicky and he says he’s committed.”

“Of course he does. But do you believe him?”

“I do. He is. He always was and I knew it deep down, but we were so young back then. Maybe making the leap into adulthood with him on that wild ride scared me.”

“And running off to New York with a stranger didn’t?” It’s a fair question.

“No. Because of the stakes. I didn’t care so much. Maybe I always thought it was a practice game.”

“Practice game? What the hell are you talking about, girl?” I sigh. It’s about time I admitted it out loud.

“I’d been planning to leave Dave, to bring Nicky home, to tell Logan about his daughter, before Dave got sick. Of course his illness put my plans on hold for a year. A very long difficult year. But I’m glad I did the right thing and stayed with him until the end. And now…”

“Now you want Logan. For real. For more than just Nicky’s daddy. For yourself.”

I nod as if she can see me. “Am I a fool?”

“No. You were a fool six years ago, but you’ve finally smartened up. I just hope it’s not too late, that Logan is on the same page.”

So do I. With all my heart.

* * *

The Brawlers Holiday Festival is crowded and I’m the object of a lot of attention and curiosity from the other players and their families, but I keep my chin up and a smile on my face because so what. Logan notices and he’s impressed.

“You’re holding up well. A few years ago and you’d have been running for the corner.”

“A girl has to grow up some time,” I say. “Bring it on. I’ll take all the limelight you can throw at me.” I smile bravely and my heart skips only one beat. Then it settles in like I mean it.

We never talked about how he’s going to introduce me and Nicky when she tells everyone there, Logan is her dad. Maybe it doesn’t matter because she has everyone so captivated all I can do is stand back and watch. She’s a chip off her father’s block.

That works well until Logan’s best friend on the team arrives and heads in our direction, zeroing in on us despite the enormous space and the crowd of at least a hundred people. Nicky is at home on the ice with Logan, but I’m at a table helping with hot coco, so they join me.

“Aiden’s here,” he says.

“I know who he is. I’ve been watching the Brawlers since I’ve been back home.” He grins. I don’t mention that I’ve been watching him play hockey for the past six years and especially when he went pro after only two years at Dartmouth.

“Hey, Logan. Merry Christmas,” Aiden says when he reaches us, but he’s looking at Nicky and me. “Who do we have here? Your sister? Your niece? I can see the family resemblance.”

“No!” Nicky squeals, “This is my daddy.” She leans into Logan, taking his hand proprietarily. I try suppressing a smile at the look on Aiden’s face.

“Aiden, this is Nicky. My daughter. And this is June--”

“Your daughter? You have a secret family?” Aiden looks at me. “And this is your wife?” He shakes his head, the disbelief on his face comical. My heart pounds as I wait for Logan to correct him, to introduce me. But Logan is having too much trouble trying not to laugh to say anything.

“Are you shit—kidding me?” Aiden shifts his eyes between the three of us, still outraged by Logan’s apparent audacity. “Seriously, dude, who does that? Who shows up one day with a wife and kid? Especially after all the….” He stops himself and shifts his eyes away from me, red creeping up his face in embarrassment or shame or something. “Well, you know what I mean.”

“After what?” I say because I want someone else besides me to feel the discomfort, to force Logan to say something, anything at this point. “Logan and I aren’t married,” I add.

Logan straightens his face then and looks troubled when he shoots me a glance. The discomfort inside me grows because I know what Aiden would say before he thought better of it. He was referring to Logan’s nightlife and other women. I wish I were suddenly immune to the blind jealousy that hits me. Sorting through the swell of emotion, I realize the insecurity doesn’t register, not that it’s gone, but it’s diminished. Maybe because I’m the mother of his daughter, perhaps the way he’s been with Nicky and my parents, but mostly, it’s the way he’s been with me. The fact that he’s forgiven me. The fact that he still wants me and says he loves me after six years.

It’s not exactly the commitment I’ve always craved, but it’s so much more than I dared dream for the past six years—though I dreamed about it anyway. I promised myself I wouldn’t blow it if I ever got the chance. If he forgave me.

So, I square my shoulders and smile a genuine smile.