Page 31 of Remember Me

“I know, girl, how are we going to help your mama, huh?”

Bella huffs. I feel ya, Bella, I feel ya.

Chapter 22

Jake

The weather matches my mood this morning—dark and stormy. The rain is lashing against the roof and windows. Bella is staring forlornly out the back door, knowing a walk is not in her future today.

It’s been three weeks since I last saw Lottie properly, and enough is enough. She’s hardly left her room except to eat and use the bathroom—she’s not even come out to see the girls. I’ve heard her on the phone to Wren, so that’s something, I guess.

When I spoke to Kayla about what was happening, she told me to just barge in, but what if she was naked? I can’t just encroach on her private space. Kayla’s response?

“Well, if she was naked, it would be your lucky day, Jakey boy”.

Although Lottie’s stayed a recluse in her room, I haven’t left, unable to stomach the thought of her being alone. So, I’ve stayed in the spare room. I couldn't bear the thought of her having another one of those nightmares and not having anyone—well, me—near to comfort her.

I’ve been nothing but patient with Lottie, but my patience has run out. Louisa and David would hate to know their daughter has shut herself away, too consumed by her grief, so I have to get her out of this. I need to coax Lottie out of her room, and the only way is to make her think I’ve left.

So, with some stellar acting on my part—genuinely, I could win an Oscar for my performance—I call out to Bella, telling her I’m going to the gym with the guys and I’ll be back later. I open the front door and close it then stealthily tiptoe to the kitchen island and wait for Lottie to come out.

I’m not waiting long before she limps out on her crutches and stops dead when she sees me with my arms crossed over my chest.

“So, you are avoiding me. It’s not just my imagination.”

“J-Jake, I thought you’d gone.” Her eyes dart around the room, looking everywhere but at me.

“Yep, I got that. Why are you hiding from me? From everyone?” I ask.

Her lip quivers and she moves closer to me before doing the one thing I would never expect of Lottie—she beats her tiny fists against my chest. I stumble, not because she’s strong, but because I wasn’t expecting it. If this is what she needs, though, then she can go ahead.

“This what you need, Lottie? Tell me everything you’re feeling. Hit me, shout at me, do whatever you need to do to feel better. I need my girl back.”

“I’m not your girl. I can’t even remember you,” she spits out while still beating her fists against me.

The words sting more than her physical jabs; they cut through my skin like glass.

“Why wasn’t it me?”

Tears are streaming down her face and she’s hiccupping as she tries to get her words out.

“I feel guilty for surviving when it should have been me that was taken. Not them. Not my parents. Why did it have to be them and not me?” she screeches out.

She’s inconsolable. My own tears have started now, and I’m unable to stop them.

“Lottie, lean on me. Let me help you, sweetheart. Please,” I choke out.

She looks up at me, eyes full of fire as she delivers her final blow.

“You don’t know what it’s like to grieve like this. You have no idea what I’m going through.”

That stops me dead in my tracks, and all of a sudden, I am filled with hurt and anger at her barbs. I know she doesn’t mean it, but it’s the last straw for me. My eyes squeeze shut as I try to compose myself, but it’s no use.

I grab her wrists off my chest and look her dead in the eye.

“I don’t know grief? I don’t know fucking grief? I lost my dad, Lottie. Yes it may have been nearly 10 years ago, but I still feel it as strongly as the day he passed.”

Tears continue to trickle down my face, and I’m barely hanging on by a thread.