Page 140 of Creeping Beautiful

I lean forward and pull down the hidden arm rest between the seats.

Then I hold my breath for nearly an entire minute because I can’t believe my own eyes.

I find a journal.

I just stare at it because I want the answers to be in there so bad and once I open it up and look, I’ll know either way if they are.

Indie was always writing in journals. Donovan made her do that. He wanted her to have a place to put her thoughts where she knew they were safe.

I pick it up and stuff it under my jacket, get out of the truck, jog back to my place, and go inside. I don’t even bother going upstairs, even though the shop is frigid. I just turn on a light, sit down at my little work table, open it up and start reading…

3/3

Keep Out.

These are my thoughts.

This is my mind.

And YOU do not belong here.

I get it baby girl. I really do. But I’m sorry, sweets. I do belong here.

So I turn the page and keep going.

Nathan St. James was the boy next door…

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - DONOVAN

PRESENT DAY

I sit in the kitchen for a long while after McKay leaves, just leaning my forearms on the island with my head in my hands. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Trying to force the past twenty years make sense.

I made promises to Indie when she was ten.

I promised her Adam and McKay. I promised her a home. I promised her I’d be there. That we would all be there and she would never be alone again.

But I was a kid. Am I really still responsible for a promise I made when I was fifteen years old?

Haven’t I done my best? Didn’t I come when they called? Didn’t I fix her?

A little, at least?

I want to believe that my influence helped her. It had to have helped.

But if I take a good long look at how this whole thing has played out, I would have to admit that Indie was never fixable.

She was someone’s plan.

I was not the chosen one, Carter was. Our father made this clear the year we turned eight. I was the copy. I was the disposable twin. I was the backup.

Carter was the only one who mattered.

Until he didn’t.

Until he started to scare people.