Page 52 of Alonzo

“I imagine they are super clever. And this smuggling thing they’re in is a tight little circle of very bad people who know better than to fuck up or talk.”

“You’re telling me that Lonnie Derringer—”

“Alonzo Dumas.”

“—is part of some super-secret… what? Mob?”

Belinda makes one of those ‘if-the-shoe-fits’ shrugs.

“This is just…” I look at Vann. “Just… fucking terrific. We can’t stay here.”

“No,” Vann agrees. “We can’t.”

And that’s when Belinda gets out of the truck and starts walking away.

I jump out, chasing her. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m staying. You guys can do what you want, but I’m staying.” She turns to me. Grabs me by both shoulders. “I’m done running, Tara. I can’t do it anymore. I miss my mom, and my friends, and—” She stops and takes a breath. “I know it’s a bad idea. I know it’s a bad idea. But I can’t go back. There’s nothing to go back to, anyway! We’re not safe in Colorado, either. So what is the point? Hmm? What? I was an artist.” She looks at Vann, who has joined us on the side of the road. Cars are whizzing by. Wind is whipping our hair all over the place. “I was a real artist, Vann. And I’m not disparaging what you guys do in Sick Boyz. It’s real art too. It’s just…” She looks at me. “I never wanted to be a tattoo artist. I want to paint murals. I did some! When I was younger. I can show them to you! I can finally be me again. Don’t you guys get it? You have to understand me, Tara. You know what it’s like to walk away from your dream. You’re not a librarian! Don’t you want to live your dream again?”

I take a deep breath and turn away. Stare out at the ocean and the afternoon sun. We have been on the road for three days. I’m tired. I’m confused. I’m scared. I want to go home.

And I can’t. I can’t ever go home again. I don’t even really have a home. Never had a home.

But if I could… if I could… I probably would go home.

“I’ll help you,” Belinda offers. “I’ll show you where he lives. You can ask him why he lied. Maybe he had a good reason?”

“No. It’s too late for me. I’m done with him.” I turn back to her. “But I do get it. And… if you can find a way to go home…” I throw up my hands. “I’m not going to stand in your way.” I direct my gaze to Vann, who is standing quietly by the side of the truck. “We’ll take her to wherever she wants to go. Then”—I shrug—“I dunno. You can drop me somewhere random on your way back to Colorado.”

“Don’t be stupid, Tara. You can stay here with me.” She looks at Vann. “Both of you. Until we figure out a better plan for her, right? My mom owns a hotel. We’re never booked up in January. I’m sure there are extra rooms. Just stay with me until we can figure something out.”

“No. I should just leave. If Lonnie is bad, then confronting him will just make things worse.”

“Well, you can leave if you want.” Belinda tilts her chin up. “But I’m going to confront him. His family ruined my life.”

“They didn’t do it on purpose, Belinda. If the FBI is secretly investigating them, then they probably don’t even know what happened to you.”

She blinks her eyes at me. “You’re the one who just said eight years is too long, Tara.”

“I know. It is… kind of a long time to investigate one crime family. But you’re the one who had that handy-dandy they’re-super-clever come-back.”

She huffs. “I don’t really understand it. I need to know what happened that night. I need some answers and so do you. We should get those answers together, Tare. I’ll have your back if you have mine.”

I think about this even though I know what my answer should be.

No. I should say, ‘Nope. I’m getting on a boat, or a plane, or whatever.’ And just leave quietly. Just slink away and forget about Phoebe 3.0. Because I am in way over my head. There’s not even a tiny sliver of hope left inside me that Tara 2.0 has a chance.

I have to be someone else now. Someone new. But first I need to get away from here.

“Tara.” Belinda takes my hand. She inhales deeply like she’s trying to remain calm. Then lets her breath out slowly. “This will eat you up if you leave without answers. You will fantasize about him for the rest of your life.”

“She’s right.” I turn to look at Vann. “You’ll look back again. Just like you did up in Fort Collins. And one day you won’t be able to help yourself and you’ll blow your cover by contacting him.”

“Yes.” Belinda nods her head at Vann. “Yes. This. Because it’s been eating away at me. And I dated Tony Dumas for two years. I never understood how he could’ve done this to me. He could’ve at least warned me, ya know? Told me something to keep me safe. “Stay away from the beach tonight, Belinda. Shit’s going down and you don’t want to be part of it.” Something like that, ya know? Now I’m looking back and I can’t stop myself. I need to know what the fuck those boys were doing that night. I let it go for eight years and I’m done now. I need answers. One day you’ll be me, Tara. One day you’ll be me if you don’t get those answers today.”

I sigh.

“I’m right. Even Vann agrees. And he’s here. He’ll help us. Won’t you, Vann?”