Page 175 of Johnny

and the baby’s father was—

“And then I shot him.

“The window behind his head cracked and then there was this great rushing of wind.

“Wind.

“In the top of the tower.

“I remember that more than anything else about that day.

“The wind.

“I sucked the air in like I was starving for it. Like I might never take another breath ever again.

“I did my job. Not because I wanted to save him, but because I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want

to know who Joey’s father was. I had lost too much and in that one moment I was about to lose more. I

accepted the fact that my mother was dead. But hearing she betrayed us? That she came back, after all

those years, and didn’t even find me? And then… I know I wasn’t the best brother to Joey, but he was

still mine in that moment before my father opened his mouth to tell me that secret. He was still mine.

And if I let my father finish that sentence, he wouldn’t be. We’d never be brothers again.”

“Wow,” Megan sighs. “OK. Um. OK, well. That’s a lot to process.”

I think about it for a moment. Then decide I left something out and if this is both the first and last

time I’m ever going to tell this story, then I’m going to do it right.

“Actually, the real reason I killed him was because he lied.”

My words come out detached and without emotion. And I know what Megan’s thinking right now.

She’s thinking… Well, I lied to you too. So what are you going to do with me?

“And he was bad,” I add. “And he made me bad too. And… and because he was done and I

wasn’t. And that was the only way I could think of to save myself in that moment. No one was gonna

help me. No one was gonna save me. No one was coming to get me out of this so I had two options. Be Johnny Boston or be my father. And while I admit both of those choices were pretty shitty ones,

they were the only ones I had. So I chose me.”

Megan says nothing. And a long, painful silence sets in.

“I’m the bad guy,” I finally say. “Every story needs one. Every fairytale has one. And some of them

are epic and some of them are sad, and if I have to leave a mark on this world before I die, then I’m

gonna lean towards epic. But I’m just gonna be honest here, Megan. The headline is never going to be

‘Johnny saves the world.’ I wish I were different. But I’m not.”

Megan sighs, clearly disappointed in how this story turned out.