Page 10 of Johnny

I raise the Kel-Tec and point it at her head. Take a deep breath. Convince myself this is for the

best. She has no future waiting for her outside this bunker. Even if she’s somebody out there, she’s

nobody anymore.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

And then she opens her eyes. Wide open. Looking straight into the glare of my flashlight. Blue-

green. Beautiful. Trusting because she can’t see the gun I’m pointing at her head through the brightness

of the light.

“Please, help me,” she croaks.

“I can’t,” I say. And even I know that’s a lie.

I could. I could do a lot, actually. I’m not in charge by any means. I’m not powerful in the strictest

sense of the word.

But I do have power.

“Please,” she sobs.

Great. She’s crying. No tears because she’s so dehydrated her body isn’t making them anymore.

But still. She’s just making it harder for me to turn myself off and forget and for some reason, I resent

her for that.

“It’s not worth it,” I growl. “Just… give up. It’s not worth fighting for. Fuck this life.”

She draws in a deep breath, making a hiccup sound as she does it. “Please,” she sobs again. “I’m

not…done.”

“Not done with what?” I ask.

I don’t know why I ask. It doesn’t matter. And she’s so fucked up right now, I know damn well she

won’t be able to explain anything, even if she wanted to.

“Living,” she whispers.

Aw, hell.

I lower the gun and turn around, rubbing the back of my gun hand against the side of my jaw. I’m so

fucking tired of this shit. I’m so fucking tired of making these decisions. I’m so fucking sick of this

whole fucking world.

But I picture all the women who have probably been kept down here.

My mother, maybe?

Charlotte?