Page 96 of Jesse

So I’m not sure what to say. I’m not sure I have the words to explain it. But all three of them are looking at me with expectations. They’re afraid, I realize. Truly afraid that everything we’ve built is about to get blown up by the one man who brought us together through mutual hate.

So I have to try.

“You know when you meet someone or do something that changes you forever?”

They all squint at me, not following.

“Like when we met in that bar thirteen years ago. We learned that we were all used in the same way. And that changed us. We banded together, we came up with a plan, and we changed our lives in ways we’d never imagined because of that one chance meeting in a bar. When spring break was over we were changed. We couldn’t go back if we wanted to. We couldn’t go back if we tried. We were just… different.”

I pause to look at them. My three best friends. My three champions. The three people in this world who I know for sure will have my back and stand up for me, no matter what.

“That’s what happened to me this weekend, you guys. That’s what happened. And I can’t explain it, and I don’t know what it means, and I did get fucked, and drugged, and sent home—but it’s not over yet. I refuse to let it be over. Because I cannot go back.”

I pause again. Expecting them to say something. Mila, at least, to protest and tell me I’m being stupid and silly. But they don’t. She doesn’t.

So I take a deep breath and say, “Can you trust me to fix this? Just give me one shot at it before we move into things like panic mode, and circling the wagons, and legal defenses? Because if this weekend changed my life then it changed his too.”

Hannah shakes her head. “I get it, Emma. But you don’t know what he’s thinking.”

“I know enough to trust him.”

“Then maybe you’re a fool?” Mila says.

“Maybe I am. But I’d rather know for sure before walking away again. Because I could’ve made an effort to find him thirteen years ago too. I didn’t have to let him walk away. I could’ve at least come up with a freaking phone number and given it a shot instead of giving up. I’m not going to make that mistake again. Not this time.”

Mila throws up her hands. “Fine. Take your shot. But we need to come up with some kind of plan before this day is over.”

“OK,” I say, standing up. “Thank you.”

I turn and walk, realizing… I probably am a fool.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO - JESSE

I sit on the terrace after we drop Emma off at her apartment. Hours pass. The sun rises. Traffic down below in the city gets loud, then louder, and the day passes.

I’m waiting for something to happen, I realize. For Emma to call—she doesn’t. For Joey to call—he doesn’t. For Johnny to call—he doesn’t.

Zach is the only person here with me. He sits on the lounge chair next to me like a faithful little brother should. Talking. Dozing. Getting us glasses of water and ordering us lunch, then dinner. More talking.

Nothing he says is important. Things like, “So you wanna go somewhere this weekend?” As if this will fix anything.

And things like, “Maybe we should really try and make this yacht consulting thing work?”

As if it’s just that easy. As if we haven’t already tried it.

And finally, sometime after dinner is delivered, he says, “Maybe you should just call her.”

I look over at him for the first time today. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He shrugs. “Well, I’m tired of sitting out here. So you gotta do—” His phone rings. He looks at the screen and says, “Fuck.”

Out loud I say, “Who is it?” But inside I say, Thank fuck. Finally, someone gives a shit. And then I take it back, because maybe it’s not about me?

Maybe this world isn’t all about me?

“Joey,” Zach says.

And then I take back the take-back. Because if Joey’s calling Zach, it’s definitely about me.