Page 6 of The Square

“I made them at the yacht club. It’s been a while, ya know?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

“So what do ya say? Wanna go on a date with me tonight?”

She tilts her head, eyeing me suspiciously. “What’s gotten in to you?”

I shrug. “I dunno. Just… maybe things’ll be OK.”

She nods. Slowly. “They will, Danny.”

“Good,” I say, pulling her close to me. I slip my hands around her hips and lean in for a kiss. She kisses me back immediately. Whatever hesitation she was feeling a few moments ago is gone now. It’s one of those kisses that are filled with longing and sadness. The kind where you can’t quite make eye contact. Where there’s a little bit of Don’t do this but a little bit more of Keep going.

Funny, now that I think about it. Because back at my apartment that first day I was the one doing the Don’t do this, keep going thing, not her.

I feel like that’s just how it is when Alec’s missing. So much push and pull. Too much hesitation. Just enough surrender.

Because we can’t help it.

At least I can’t help it.

“Come on,” I say, taking her hand and leading her across the street to some boutiques. “Let’s look the part tonight.”

We shop separately. Her idea. She wants to surprise me.

And that’s OK. Everything seems OK right now.

Not excellent. Not terrible. But OK. And ya know, sometimes OK is OK. You gotta take what you can get, when you can get it.

So that’s what I do.

I didn’t actually make reservations at the yacht club so I do that while I wait to be fitted for a suit. We’re not members anymore, but we were once and it’s enough to get a table.

Funny how it feels like those missing years never happened. How I didn’t stop going out to dinner because she was missing from my life. How I didn’t morph into someone else while she was away.

And maybe I should feel guilty about that. Taking her out in Alec’s absence. But I don’t. He had her to himself for four years. Four perfect years.

So I rationalize. I deserve one night.

The Holo Moana Yacht Club is small and private. One of the reasons we always liked to stop at this marina. They have a few private bungalows on the south side that they only let out to international members passing through. White sandy beaches in front with tall, sideways-leaning palm trees and enough lush jungle around to make you forget the city is close by. That alone was was worth the yearly dues to Alec. He had places like this all over the world. It’s like the whole planet was his home—and by extension, our home.

It occurs to me in this moment just how many memories we made those years we were together. More than a lifetime’s worth. Several lifetimes, maybe.

For the first time in almost two weeks I let my guard down and think about him. Wonder what he’s doing right now.

Is he still alive?

Christine thinks he is—and that’s why we’re heading back to the West Coast—but she’s been cagy about what she knows and how she knows it.

I trust her. She’s been right about impossible shit before.

But she’s been wrong before too.

I shove my hands into the pockets of my new slacks and stare out at the water. No sunsets on this side of the island, but there’s a reflection of light in the smattering of clouds that kinda tints the whole world orange and pink.

“What are you thinking about?”

I turn to find Christine walking down the dock. Smile on her face. Long, bronze limbs striking against her short white dress. Dark hair catching the reflected sunset, setting off red and gold highlights that only show up in moments like this.