Page 20 of Angels Fall

I follow. “What the fuck are you doing? Get the hell out of my bathroom!” Christ. He’s like a bull in a china shop. I follow after him, and find him opening my medicine cabinet.

“The fuck are you doing?” I ask, infuriated.

“I dunno. Just, y’know, looking. But it occurs to me now that I probably should’ve asked about this”—he’s holding up my birth control pills—“y’know, before.”

“Yeah, well there’s a lot of things we probably should’ve fucking talked about before I let you stick your dick inside me.”

“I didn’t… come in you, though. Right? I mean, I came on your ass, but the second time we—”

“Get. The fuck. Out.” I grab the pills out of his hand.

“I’m clean, by the way. Promise. I would never have done anything if I wasn’t tested and a total ‘A’ student. Scout’s honor.” He holds up four fingers. Which, of course, isn’t the Scout salute, but who gives a shit?

He’s now back in my bedroom. “Tyler, I swear to God, I’m not in the mood for this charming bullshit act. I know you, remember? It’s not working.”

He looks on my nightstand. “How To Make Friends and Influence People. Ah, c’mon, you don’t need this. You could write it, Mads!“

“Would you stop calling me that!” I grab the book, throw it across the room, and point my finger at his face. “What the fuck do you want?”

He stares at me for a second. Then, without warning, he grabs my cheeks and forces his tongue in my mouth.

‘Forces’ probably isn’t accurate. ‘Works it in’ is more like it. Tenderly. Softly. I melt a little. And then every ounce of resistance I had just kinda melts too, because his kiss is just what I need right now. Just a little kindness. Just a little affection. Just a little…

That is until I come to my senses, and retreat backwards. “Nope. Un-unh. This isn’t gonna work,” I snap.

“What?” he asks, coming toward me. “What’s not gonna work? Why? Why can’t it?”

“Why can’t it? Are you fucking insane?”

“Maybe. It’s been suggested before.” he says, stepping close to me so that I back up and bump into my dresser, which causes some shit to fall off onto the floor.

Including my bright purple vibrator.

He bends down and picks it up. He holds it between us, again not breaking eye contact with me. The he asks, “Where would you like me to put this?”

I shake my head. “I’m not playing this game with you.”

“I’m not playing a game. Honestly, Maddie, I’m just… I’m just trying to make you smile.” He turns on the vibrator and waggles his eyebrows. The buzzing starts low, but gets louder and louder as he fumbles with the controls.

“Wow, man. You really don’t get it at all. I don’t know how I ever fell for your bullshit in the first place. I guess it’s because I was a kid, and I looked up to you, and I believed in you, and”—the vibrator continues to buzz—“and all that fake we’re in-this-togetherness bullshit you used to spout back when we were young. Well, it won’t work on me now. Because you and I both know who you really are.”

The sound of the humming vibrator is the only noise. That and what I imagine is my galloping heartbeat, which is way too fast right now.

And finally, the Tyler Morgan façade drops. His smile falls and his blue eyes seem to darken. He says, “Yeah? Who am I?”

And for a second I see the old Tyler. Underneath the beard. Underneath the lines at the corners of his eyes that beg me to ask where he’s been, what he’s been doing. Underneath the years of separation and sadness.

But fuck it. And fuck him. I don’t need to ask where he’s been. I only need to remember where he wasn’t. So I press in close and I whisper, “You’re just another very bad guy.” I squint at him and nod my head tightly. “That’s who you are.”

My chest is heaving up and down now, my breaths shallow. Somehow, this feels like some kind of moment of truth.

And then, “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’d fuckin’ make it up to you if I knew how. I swear I would. It was just… I was just… my life, Mads. I—It’s not what you think.”

“Yeah? OK. Well, I’m not thinking about your life,” I say. “In fact, I’m not thinking about you at all. I’m only thinking about me.” It sounds very selfish. And it is. But I don’t care. I want him to go away. And if I have to say nasty things to get what I want, I will.

He reaches up to my face again, but before I can pull away, he’s tucking a stray strand of red hair behind my ear.

The vibrator is still on high. The buzzing fills the otherwise silent room as I now hold my breath to keep from damn near hyperventilating.