Page 41 of Balance

Charlie went so still he might have actually frozen, like he glitched, then he was abruptly animated again, waving his spoon in the air. “No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way.”

His mouth hung open, and he stared at me like he didn’t know who I was. “You’re shitting me. Matthew Kincaid? He’s like… holy shit. He’s gorgeous and, like, rich rich, and… how did you even meet him?”

“Well, he’s gorgeous, that’s for sure. I don’t know about the rich part, but he’s nice.” Nice seemed woefully inadequate. Having a door opened for me, that was nice. Having someone ask me about my day, that was nice. Matthew did nice things, said nice things, but he was so much more than just nice. He was kind to people without expecting them to return it like it was some sort of transaction. He was genuine, wanting to help for the sake of helping because it was the right thing and not because he wanted something in return.

“We met on the flight. I sort of… well… remember how I told you that I was delayed a day, that the flight didn’t have room for me?” The more I talked, the wider Charlie’s eyes got, until they were so big he almost looked like a caricature of himself.

“Shut up.”

“Well, I might have caused a little scene that got both of us kicked off the plane.”

“You didn’t!” Charlie flailed and kicked his feet. He radiated joy, as though I’d told him that he won the lottery and not that I’d gotten myself kicked off a flight.

I gave him the quick details of the confrontation. The overbooked flight, me without my luggage—which the airline had yet to locate and return—and then finding out that all the hotels around the airport were full.

“He basically invited himself to stay in my room with me.”

Charlie grinned at me and ripped the top off another yogurt. “And I’m sure you fought him so hard on it.”

“Well, I was the reason he got booted from the flight. It would’ve been cruel to make him sleep on the floor in the airport.” I didn’t know how to begin to tell him about the spanking or the rest of it. The way that I liked it. The way that it felt like Matthew was fixing something inside me whenever he did it. Okay, fixing was the wrong word. But it felt like every time he spanked me that something inside me settled. Sometimes it was like I was poorly made, assembled from spare parts. An imperfect specimen full of faults and cracks until he touched me. When he touched me, I was worthy. When he spanked me, I was complete.

“God, you have all the luck.”

“Not really, they still haven’t found my luggage.”

“That makes me feel a little better, actually. Because if you had it too easy I might have to hate you a little.” He polished off his yogurt and tossed the spoon in the sink. It clattered, breaking the calm with its noise.

“You’re not allowed to hate me. I forbid it.”

“You make it hard not to.” Charlie tried to look serious, like he might actually hold my happiness against me, but the softness in his eyes gave him away. He was too much like a puppy to pull off pretending to be mean. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“Well, you know now. And it’s still pretty new, so I haven’t said much of anything about it to anyone.”

“I am your social circle, Troye. That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”

“You’re not my entire social network.”

“I’m the entirety of your in-person social network, except for what’s-his-face. The guy who just got hitched. And I’d argue that because he’s a whole-ass flight away, he hardly counts as an in-person friend anymore.”

“Gee, that’s oddly territorial of you. Did you want to pee on my leg?”

“Don’t tempt me. I’m not afraid of a little water sports.”

“If you ever peed on me, I’d have zero in-person friends.”

“Are you going to let me meet him? I promise not to be weird and pump him for information about future games and shit. Okay, I promise to keep it to a minimum. Only a little out-of-control rabid fan behavior, and then I promise to behave.”

“I—you want to meet him?”

Charlie stared at me like I’d just sprouted a second head.

“Dude. Of course, I want to meet him. Not only is he the head of one of the coolest gaming companies around, but he’s managed to get you out of the house and into the real world. Even on your supposed day off, you still stream most Thursdays. Except for recently. And on your actual working days, you seem more relaxed. Less all over the place. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still pretty scattered, but you’re not so anxious about it anymore.” Charlie moved closer and clapped my shoulder with his hand before quickly pulling it away. The gesture was monumental because Charlie didn’t like being touched, and he wasn’t overly exuberant when it came to physical affection.

I’d asked him about it once, and he’d shrugged and told me that if I thought about it, I could probably guess why he didn’t like being touched, and then he moved on. I never brought it up again.

I kept his favorite yogurt in my fridge instead of hugging him. I didn’t pry into his past because I didn’t have the ability to plan the perfect murder, and I was sure that Charlie wouldn’t want me to go to jail.