Page 94 of His Untoward Hate

“You’re angry because it’s true,” Sky said.

Jude faltered. It pained him, maybe because what he said was the reality.

“Shut up!” Jude shouted, anger finally bursting through.

It was the first time he could clearly remember saying those words to Sky. He was caught off guard.

“You’re an asshole, and I still hate you a lot, and you’re the worst human being I’ve ever met!” Jude screamed at the top of his lungs as he repeatedly punched his fists against Sky’s chest.

Each blow made Sky’s body shift slightly, but not once did it force him to take a step back.

“I only wanted you to kiss me back, and you have said a lot of unnecessary things, you jerk!” Jude cried, continuing to hit him.

Jude was hurt. Sky’s words pierced through him. He wanted to deny it, but Sky was being completely unreasonable. Every word he said only made Jude’s tears fall harder.

“You stole my first kiss away from me! And now, you can’t kiss me back? The audacity of you, Sky Granger! That was very unfair! I should just let other guys kiss me then!” Jude whined.

“Don’t try me, Jude Finn,” Sky warned, jutting his jaw and biting the inside of his cheek as he struggled to keep himself under control.

“Try what? What are you going to do, huh?” Jude shot back, finally stopping his assault on Sky’s chest. “I’m already used to your threats, you coward. You asshole! I hate you so so much!”

Jude glared at him with a storm in his eyes. He was helpless. Somehow, whining like this was the only way he knew how to cope with the sting of Sky’s rejection and the embarrassment that came with it.

Sky’s gaze was full of tenderness, which only made Jude even more frustrated and angry. After his outburst, Jude finally caught up. He was panting and tired.

“I like seeing you this way,” Sky admitted quietly. “Not afraid of me anymore.”

Before Jude could pull away, Sky caught his arm and drew him closer until only a breath separated them.

“If only you knew how much I am hardly controlling myself not to kiss you and just deflower you right here, right now, Jude Finn…” Sky murmured, his voice rough with restraint.

Sky lifted a hand and cupped his face. He gently brushed some of his tears away with his thumb.

“Then stop controlling yourself, Sky Granger.” Jude induced. “Do it. I beg you to do it.”

Jude stared into his eyes with intense desperation.

“I beg you to kiss and fuck me.”

36

“And I’m willing to sacrifice my life for you. I’m willing to climb mountains to reach your hands. I’m willing to go to war just to win you. I’m willing to take the bullets for you. I’m willing to die for you. I will go wherever you go, even if you hate me, even if you always avoided me, even if you don’t like me very much, even if you always push me—I’ll keep finding my way back to you because you are my home. You are my home, Jude Finn. You always have been,” Sky confessed wholeheartedly.

Never in his life had Sky imagined himself saying something like this. But at this moment, confessing to Jude felt more important than anything else. He needed Jude to know how deeply he loved him. He needed him to know that someone cared for him more than words could ever express. Maybe…just maybe, if Jude understood the depth of his feelings, he would stop thinking about death. Maybe if Jude knew how desperately he was loved, he would choose to stay. Maybe he would stop considering leaving Sky behind.

Sky could not imagine his life without Jude. For more than five years, it had been a natural obligation for Sky to see him in school. Sky could not picture a single day without seeing him. Jude had become his sanctuary.

Even on weekends, Sky found himself drawn to him. He would visit the neighborhood without Jude knowing, just for the chance to see him. Hidden beneath the shade of the old mahogany tree, Sky would spend hours watching him through his old telescope pointed at his bedroom window. Jude would be engrossed in a novel or buried in his textbooks, completely unaware of the pair of eyes admiring him from afar.

And Sky never grew tired of it.

He would never grow tired of it.

No matter how many times he watched him, it was never enough.

There had been one time when Jude was absent from school, and Sky could not spot him at his house either. The entire day, Sky was really mad and grumpy to the point that even Kevin and Julius could not go near him. When Jude finally returned to school the next day, Sky greeted him with punches and authoritative threats disguised as anger. The truth was, Sky felt like he could not function without seeing him. A single day without Jude left him drained, as though all his energy had vanished.

“Just…just give me a chance to make everything right,” he cried.