Page 36 of His Untoward Hate

What the fucking hell is wrong with me?

What the hell was I fucking thinking?

Those questions kept lingering in his mind, and even he was surprised by his own thoughts.

Sky should have just beaten him, grabbed him by the neck, and told him to finish the research on his own. He was very capable of doing all that.

But those eyes.

Jude’s eyes, when he held his gaze at him closely earlier, were nothing but a surrender to his will. Those eyes were so beautiful. Those eyes were a tourist spot, a breathtaking view that Sky would die to visit, even if it took a hundred miles and a hundred obstacles he was going to face along his way, only to witness the view. Sky felt himself getting lost in them. It was the first time Jude looked at Sky like that in over five years. It was the first time Jude had fought his gaze, begging, nearly face-to-face, across his seat, for as long as Sky could remember.

Sky could not refuse. He could not resist. He just could not.

But an hour had passed, and Sky was growing angrier and more worried.

What? Of course, I am very angry.

Why would I get worried?

Where the hell is he?

Where the hell is that fag now?

Those irresistible thoughts kept banging on his emotions until he did not notice the time.

No students were passing by already, and the school grounds were empty. It was getting dark, and the sun was almost down.

Why does he always keep on testing my fucking patience?

Who the fucking hell is he?

16

After lunch, the three of them went their separate ways since they had different classes to attend. Jude headed back to the lockers alone to grab a few textbooks and put away his empty lunchbox. As he was about to shut his locker, he noticed in his peripheral view that Blake was opening his locker only meters away from him. When he caught a glimpse of him, he immediately spotted the prominent cut on Blake’s lower lip and the scratches on his cheeks. He put a plaster on the upper side of his cheek, and he could still see dried blood from those cuts.

Blake closed his locker and turned his gaze toward him. Jude almost choked when their eyes met. Blake’s glare looked deadly enough to make his heart skip a beat. Startled, Jude quickly looked away, feigning indifference as he hurried off to his next class.

The bell rang for the last period, and here he was, still sitting on his armchair in the classroom, left all alone, shaking and sweating for almost an hour already. Enormous regret flowed over him. He peeked through the window and saw Sky Granger waiting in front of the school, leaning against his Chevy truck, which he had proudly shown off to the school, with a half-naked woman painted on its doors. Sometimes, Jude hated how the school administration turned a blind eye to the terrible things happening on campus. It only made him want to leave the institution more.

He pressed a hand against his face in frustration.

What was I thinking? he thought bitterly.

Jude regretted everything he had said earlier. He regretted asking for Sky’s help. It was such a stupid thing to do. He was very stupid.

Mitch owned a laptop, but she never allowed him to use it. He had asked to borrow it several times back then, only to be turned down every single time. Asking again now would be pointless. He could still work using his phone, but finishing the lists of assignments that needed to be passed next week in their Practical Research would take much longer. The screen of his old Samsung was cracked, and the device itself was already outdated. Their upcoming research requirements were extensive, so using a laptop or desktop computer would be far more efficient and convenient. Still, seeing Sky outside this room, and the thought of being alone together in his house, felt like pure suicide. His only wish right now was for Jasper to be there, too.

What have I done? Where did my guts earlier come from? Just this time. Only this time. I will go to the internet café next time.

He reminded himself over and over again.

Jude stood frozen for what felt like an eternity, torn between walking out of the classroom and jumping straight out the window instead. The last option would be much simpler for his life.

A chill crept across his skin when he realized it was already getting dark. The hallways were not illuminated, which immediately unsettled him. By this time, the lights should have already been turned on.

Why had they not been turned on today?

Trying to ignore the growing fear in his chest, he hurried to his locker to grab his lunchbox and return his books. Suspiciously, he was all alone. The goosebumps on his skin immediately sent shivers down his spine. He was close to tears as he rushed down the hallway, desperate to find the faculty room or anywhere teachers and staff might still be around in the senior high building. Even the disappearance of people seemed intentional, or at least a janitor or a school employee was in sight. But there was none.