Page 20 of His Untoward Hate

Without really thinking, Jude pushed himself halfway out the window and shouted at the top of his lungs, as if trying to throw every negative thought out into the wind, just for this one moment with Jasper. The strong breeze hit his face and swept his hair back. He worried briefly that his glasses might fly off, but thankfully, they stayed in place.

The road ahead was smooth and nearly empty, allowing Jasper to drive faster. Jude stretched his arms wide into the air, careful not to lose his balance as the wind wrapped around him.

“Hey! Be careful!” Jasper shouted, though he was laughing at the same time.

Jude had always been shy and introverted, but somehow, being around Jasper brought out a completely different side of him. It felt strange, surprisingly strange. For once, he was not trapped inside the shell he had built around himself. Instead, he found himself genuinely enjoying someone’s company, which was unusual for someone who had spent years obsessing over his crush.

They had not even been hanging out for that long, yet Jude already felt unusually comfortable around him. The feeling was unfamiliar, but not unpleasant. Maybe it was also because Jasper had never made him feel uncomfortable so far. His approach was always gentle and easygoing, never intimidating. Looking back, Jude realized he should have talked to him a long time ago.

All those years of admiring Jasper from afar, the stolen glances, awkward greetings, and blushing encounters seemed to lighten today. Back then, secretly watching him from a distance had already been enough. Before this, Jude could barely hold a conversation with him for more than a few seconds. Jasper always made him nervous to the point of melting under his gaze, which was at its maximum. He stammered hard with just a simple “hello” and staggered on his feet when he was near. But maybe things had changed because of everything that had happened recently. Maybe Jude was tired of entertaining his feelings because he was hurting. Maybe this also started because Jasper initiated by asking him out. And maybe, just maybe, it was because Jude had begun to think that Jasper might like boys, too. Which meant there was a chance he might actually fall for him, too.

One factor Jude kept thinking about as well was that this was their last semester before college, which meant he had to take his chance soon. Maybe it was finally time to tell Jasper about the feelings and affection he had been hiding for years.

Jasper was genuinely a good person, a man of modesty. During the five years Jude had secretly admired him from afar, he had seen countless moments that proved how kind and caring Jasper truly was. And with every passing day, Jude fell deeper for him. Lately, things have changed even more. Jasper had started approaching him first, casually striking up conversations. And now, being with him like this today, Jude finally realized something he had never understood before: being around Jasper actually made him feel comfortable.

All this time, he had been too nervous to notice it. Jasper was easy to be with, fun to talk to, and for once, Jude felt like he could truly be himself around someone.

“I never would’ve imagined that the shy and introverted Jude Finn actually had a wild side,” Jasper said with a chuckle after they arrived and stepped out of the Chevy truck.

Jude gave him a sheepish smile.

“I really enjoyed the ride,” he admitted sincerely.

Jude had only ever seen people do things like that in movies, and experiencing it himself made him realize how fun and strangely freeing it actually was.

“Well,” Jasper said with a playful smirk, “You’ve still got plenty of rides to enjoy later.”

The moment they entered the arcade, joy and excitement instantly bubbled inside Jude. However, as he roamed his eyes around, the place was packed with people that Jude was not really used to. His social anxiety began to resurface. Teenagers were laughing and throwing playful banter together, adults were roaming around, couples were holding hands, and families were enjoying their time together. For some reason, the sight made a pang of jealousy settle in his chest.

People’s eyes constantly drifted toward Jasper, especially the girls and the gays. Their gazes were almost shamelessly admiring him, which honestly was not surprising at all. He was Jasper Granger after all. Some people also threw strange and judgmental looks at Jude, though he was not sure if he was just being paranoid.

A part of him worried that it might bother Jasper, that maybe he would regret going out with him. But Jasper did not seem to care in the slightest, and that alone eased Jude’s nerves enough to bring a small secret smile to his lips.

“Relax, man.” Jude nearly jumped when Jasper suddenly spoke beside him, casually wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “They’re not gonna bite you,” he whispered near his ear, instantly sending shivers racing down Jude’s spine.

Warmth flooded through Jude at the gesture on display. His heart pounded so loudly he could barely hear anything else. He thought he might faint right then and there, yet instead, he found himself unexpectedly relaxing into Jasper’s touch.

“I am not really used to being around so many people, Jasper,” Jude said, his voice rattling in his throat.

“Tsk, they don’t know you, Jude. They don’t know me either. Just imagine that they are just thousands of frogs swarming around.” Jasper said, his right hand forward as if really picturing people out. “We only live once, so better spread our wings and fly.”

Jude giggled at Jasper’s encouragement. It cheered him up not to get really shy, although he was still adjusting.

“Right, we only live once…and they are just thousands of frogs,” Jude replied.

They both cackled.

We look like one of those couples, Jude thought, his chest fluttering wildly under Jasper’s grasp.

The arcade had changed a lot over the past eight years, now redesigned in a more modern style. There were food stalls scattered everywhere, along with new rides and upgraded game stations that had not been there before.

Jasper bought the tickets despite Jude’s persistence in paying for half, but he refused to let him.

“I’m the one who invited you, so I’ll pay,” was all he said, not giving Jude a chance to argue further.

Though on Jude’s side, it should not be the case. They should split the bill. In the end, he gave up. Jasper was stubborn, too.

Jude screamed at the top of his lungs like a child the moment they both got on the roller coaster, while Jasper was shouting just as loudly beside him. Halfway through the ride, Jude turned to look at Jasper secretly. Mindlessly, everything went into slow motion. The wind swept through his slightly long dark brown hair, pushing it back from his face; his nose hung razor-edged, his skin glossy, almost as if it did not have a single pore, while his thin pink lips appeared soft and dangerously plump and kissable. A small dimple surfaced whenever he smiled, and even the sight of his Adam’s apple felt strangely attractive to Jude. Then his gaze drifted back to Jasper’s eyes. Those light hazel eyes, flecked with gold, resembled his brother’s. The moment Jude investigated them, he felt it. Beneath the laughter and excitement, Jasper carried burdens of his own. His eyes seemed heavy, almost gloomy, as though they held too many emotions at once. But among all of them, a state of forlornness stood out the most.