Page 105 of His Untoward Hate

Just like yesterday.

Normally, when Jude was around, he automatically felt him. But why could he not feel him?

Sky slowly approached the table, his gaze fixed on the flesh-colored construction paper neatly folded and tied with a faded white yarn ribbon. A sense of dread crept heavily into his chest. He carefully picked it up before lowering himself onto the edge of the bed. The moment the paper rested in his hands, tremors ran through his fingers. His breathing grew shallow and uneven. He stared at the folded note, unable to bring himself to open it. His hands shook so badly that he nearly dropped whatever was behind this paper. At the same time, tears began to gather in his eyes without warning, blurring his vision. A painful pressure built in his chest, and for a moment, it felt hard to breathe.

Somewhere deep inside, he already feared what this piece of shit might say.

Hi, Sky.

It’s Jude.

I’m not really sure how to start. I don’t even know why I feel the need to do this.

I’m sorry if you found this letter and couldn’t hear these things from me in person.

I guess I just wanted to thank you.

I want to thank you for everything you did for me during the times when everyone else had turned their backs on me. When I felt alone and abandoned, you stayed. And I will always be grateful for that.

I had never imagined that the guy who had hated me since seventh grade could have a side to him I had never seen before. I always thought I knew everything about you. But you surprise me all the time. You even completely disproved my theory that buff guys are average down there. You proved me wrong last night.

Kidding aside, thank you.

I never thought that my number one hater, the person I hate the most, would be there when I least expected it. Thank you for being there with me when I needed someone to lean on. When my world crashed right in front of my eyes.

You were there with me.

You looked for me.

You listened to me.

You protected me.

You saved me.

You took care of me.

I appreciated all you did, Sky.

You know me. I was the type of person who didn’t usually voice my feelings. But I admit it to you. I was hurt, very hurt.

I still am. I am still hurting.

I am still in so much pain, and I don’t know if I will ever be okay.

Thank you for lifting some weight off me. I don’t know where I would be now if it weren’t for you.

You were right, Sky. I’m a mess.

I admit I was so embarrassed by my behavior yesterday, and you didn’t deserve it. I was very hurt about my life, and all I could think of were irrational things. I was too indecisive, and my emotions were covered up with pain, anger, despair, and suffering. I’m really sorry if I have thrown out my bitterness at you. I was so desperate to get rid of the pain I had for a moment that it led me to that situation.

It was not fair to you, Sky.

I was too impulsive. It was my first sex, and I should have given it to the person I wanna marry. But I gave it to you.

Did I regret it? No. I did not regret it. You gave me a wonderful experience last night. You are an expert. You are a professional. I enjoyed our sex. I hope you forgive me for forcing you to do it with me, even if you did not want to. I know you are straight, and you only did it to me out of pity.

I am also writing this letter to set things straight. What happened between us was nothing more than a mistake, and I want you to understand that clearly. It was never meant to happen, and it will never happen again.