Page 182 of The New Place

“Claire’s looking for an apartment.”

“Oh.” Ned purses his lips. “That’d be interesting.”

“We could talk to her about it, at least.”

“We could,” Ned says slowly. “Front-row seats to whatever she and Pat are going to go through this next little while.”

“They’ll be alright,” Abbot says.

“You think so?”

“I think Claire is rather special, and Pat is aware of who he’s met.”

“Huh. Good. That’s good. I like her.”

“I do too.”

“So Claire, if she wants to think about that spot,” Ned says. “That and I’m sure Peggy thinks the video games come with the house, so I can’t wait for that conversation. But really, Abbot? You’re just going to pay for all of this? For me?”

“We’ll make a budget, together,” Abbot says. “Our bills, costs for the house, travel, all of that. If you want your own savings account, then of course have one separately. We could open an account together, too, that we can both access.”

“It’s all going to be your money in it.”

“But our life,” Abbot says. “It’s just numbers, Ned, and I rather like numbers.”

Ned sniffs and rubs his face. “Gonna calculate the p-value on having to shoulder our utilities and groceries and plane tickets all on your own?”

“Do you remember what a p-value is?”

“No,” Ned says and his voice cracks. “That’s why I need you.”

Abbot holds out his arms and Ned moves into him.

“So much of what I owe is from before I even knew you,” Ned says into his shoulder.

“I’m choosing you,” Abbot says. “And everything that comes with you. Peggy and the fact your parents will be over all the time, and your past, and Jen, and everything that’s made you who you are.”

Ned clutches him, returning the strength of Abbot’s hug. “My folks really will end up just walking right in, won’t they?”

“If there’s any financial reality I truly fear, it’s our avocado budget,” Abbot says.

Ned laughs and Abbot kisses his hair. “I love you,” Ned whispers. “It’s terrifying to let someone else take care of me and Peggy, but if it’s anyone, it’s you.”

“Ned, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to. I wasn’t there for my mother, and I haven’t been for Liesl.”

“I don’t think you’d do that again,” Ned says.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t, I guess. I’m just—I’m trusting you. That you can be scared and still show up. Like I’m trusting that you won’t turn me and Peggy out.”

“That’s a lot of trust.”

“Maybe. Yeah. But we’re both in this, taking this leap. Which I didn’t even know I was ready for, and maybe I’m not, but I’m here and you’re here, and we’re doing life together now, in a way we weren’t even a couple weeks ago. And I trust you. I do.” Ned hears the fierceness in his voice. “I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be. But we can deal with our own shit, and learn how to show up for each other.”

Abbot draws in a breath that shakes. “I’m not sure I know how.”

“Hell, Abbot, me neither, not really, but I met this great guy. Met him years ago, but we’re just now getting ourselves together. And I love the hell out of him.” Ned grips his hands. “Abbot, this has been the best year of my life, and that’s even with living hours away from you. You’re the one for me, so I’m going to do whatever it takes to figure out how to meet you with the best version of myself.”