Page 77 of Reins

I can hear his footsteps drift away, then the frame of the bed creaks.

Why would I hate him?

Curiosity has me smearing the tears from my cheeks and standing to hesitantly open the door.

The blue tips of his socks are pointing at the ceiling as I move around the corner. Then his jeans appear, his lean torso in his green flannel, then his arms threaded behind his head as he stares up towards the light.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me.” My butt teeters on the edge of my own mattress and I tuck my fingers between my knees.

“Ros.” He turns to look at me, his lips flat with pain. “I’m not. Just at myself.”

“What did I do wrong?” I just want to fix it. Desperately.

“Nothing,” he grunts. “Not a damn thing. You were trying to help.”

“Then…why?” My hand waves in a small circle towards him before pressing it back in place.

His chest rises and falls. “Sometimes when you touch me—” He clears his throat. “—I like it too much.”

The muscle of his jaw pops in a starburst pattern with every clench. “It makes my body react in ways I can’t control.” His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow. “I didn’t want you to see that and think I was being a creep.”

“But what if I like it too?” My question is hushed for fear of what he’ll say.

With a growl, he pulls his arms up and runs his palms vigorously over his face. “No, Ros. This can’t be a thing. I would be the monster then.”

“Why?” I squeak. “Because I’m so broken no one should want me? I’m so naive I shouldn’t be taught?” My chin trembles.

“God, no. None of that.” When Cade looks at me, there’s a hollowness to his gaze. “I’m old enough to be your father and everyone would think I’m just taking advantage of you.”

A touch of anger flushes through me. “My whole life every decision has been made for me. You’re the one saying I get to own my choices, except this one? Why is it so crazy that I want the one person in the world who makes me feel good to make me feel better?”

He tilts his head, cracking one of his walnut colored eyes to fix on me. Then his arm falls flat and he gestures to me with two fingers. “Come here. Holding you makes me feel better.”

Fighting a sniffle, I crawl over to mold myself against him and settle into the hollow of his shoulder.

Then he pulls me tightly to his chest and knots his fingers in my hair to press his lips against my temple. “I don’t want to be the person who loves you but hurts you,” he murmurs against my forehead. “And I also don’t want to ever take advantage of you,” he sighs. “That’s what this would be if anything happened between us.”

My ribs feel like they’re being split open and my heart ripped out with his denial. “Okay.”

Chapter 38 - Cade

Waking up with her body pressing mine is torture, even though we’re both fully clothed.

Knowing she wants more from me makes it a million times worse.

There’s no universe where that would be fair for her. She’s been locked up, abused, and neglected. I should have expected she’d latch onto me as the first person to treat her with any sense of dignity.

That isn’t love, no matter how much I wish it was. It wouldn’t be fair to her to let it happen.

She deserves so much more.

But fuck, peeling away from her, hearing that tiny whimpering moan that escapes her throat as she shifts into the pillow, it makes me want to throw out all of my inhibitions and give in.

I could show her adoration. As I grab my bag and pad into the bathroom with my cock raging behind my zipper, all I can imagine is kissing every one of her scars to show her how pleasure can replace the pain.

How patience and a gentle touch can make her cry out in ecstasy when all she’s known is anguish.

The hot water is nearly instantaneous from the shower head making steam fill the small bathroom while I strip down.