Page 95 of Almost Ours

But if I let myself have all of that, she gets access to everything else too and eventually she’d see the parts of me I spend most of my life hiding.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Ruby whispers, her thumb tracing along mine. “But why do you react like that to her?”

Her touching me is giving me a mad amount of comfort, her voice is soothing the shitshow in my head. “We used to date.”

“Yeah, I guessed as much.”

“It was a bad breakup.”

“You really don’t need to tell me.”

I press my lips to her hair and inhale the smell of her. Strawberries, cherry, and completely intoxicating to my system. “You’re not curious?”

“Of course I’m curious. I’m nosy as fuck, you know that. But I don’t need to know everything about you in order to like you.”

I tell my heart to calm the fuck down and remind myself she doesn’t know half the shit that lives in my head. “You like me?”

“Yeah.” She snorts. “Don’t start getting any ideas with that, I’m trying to be nice.”

“It’s okay.” I squeeze her hand, keeping my eyes on the road. “I’m too fucked up to let myself have ideas like that anyway. You deserve someone with considerably less baggage.” I rub my thumb over the side of her hand. “But I reckon I can manage being a decent friend to you.”

Ruby stiffens slightly. “A decent friend?”

“Yeah. It’s a very exclusive package.”

“Hm.”

“Limited availability.”

“Oh, wow. Lucky me.” It comes out tight and dejected.

“Rubes?” I question, feeling my heart start to flutter. “Are you offended by that?”

“Why would I be offended? You’ve just offered me an exclusive friendship.”

I turn my hand in hers and try to calm the dread that’s making a reappearance in me. “I’ve upset you.”

“You haven’t.”

“Ruby, don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. We are friends. That’s all we are.”

“Okay, look. You need to listen to me, alright?” I move my hands until I’m cupping her face, holding her there. “If I was going to pick anyone I would choose you.”

“Josh,” she breathes, confusion and hurt all over her.

“But there’s shit you don’t know about.” I continue, needing her to understand what I’m trying to do here. “You don’t want more than friendship with me. I know we nearly kissed, and I know there’s this thing between us that almost feels alive, but trust me, you don’t want me.”

Her hands come up and close around my wrists. “Stop telling me what I want.”

“I’m telling you what you need to hear. I’m saving you the trouble.”

“Of what?” she sputters, her voice wobbling and I think she might cry.

“Of me.”

Her eyes search mine, her brows pursed and lips puckered. I don’t know what she’s looking for, but the disappointment that crosses her face makes me want to drop to my knees and beg her to understand. “Okay, Josh,” she dejectedly sighs.