Page 43 of Almost Ours

JOSH (18:36): Maybe.

RUBY (18:42): See you at lunch tomorrow, Grumpy x

JOSH (18:49): I’ll bring your jumper. Try not to leave anything else in my room next time or I might be tempted to keep it x

RUBY (18:55): I’ll do my best ;) x

I bite the inside of my cheek and fall back against my pillows, grinning up at the ceiling of my dorm like a twelve-year-old who is finally getting attention off that one boy she’s always liked.

OSCAR (21:00): You doing okay?

RUBY (22:00): Yeah. You?

Oscar doesn’t reply, but my phone goes again nearly an hour later.

JOSH (23:30): Night, Ruby xx

RUBY (23:31): night, Josh xXx

Wednesday

14th October 2015

MUM (07:00): Hi darling! Tried to call but I think you might be asleep. You’re insured on Oscar’s car now! So can drive yourself to the appt with Dr. H today. Oscar said he wants to drive you so if you’re worried, or anxious, or anything then let him help! Call me after x

My first appointment with Dr H has been hanging over me all week, this is the first time I’ve had to sit opposite him since starting uni and tell him how I’m doing without thinking too hard about what the wrong answer might set off.

Sometimes it feels like I have to perform for him just as much as I do for Mum and Oscar, because none of them ever seem to hear I’m having a bad day and leave it there.

I get dressed without calling Mum back, and after the grilling I got from Oscar the other day about pretending to join the newspaper I don’t really want him to give me a lift.

By lunchtime I’ve shoved the appointment far enough to the back of my head that I’m almost enjoying myself, right up until Abi’s name flashes across my screen while I’m sitting in the library with Tom, trying to do this stupid project no one cares about.

ABI (12:00): Hey, Josh saw you walking off with that Tom guy and was frowning. Hate to say I told you so ;) xx

My eyes flick towards Tom. He’s sitting opposite me with a pen trapped between his teeth while he scrolls through an article.

He’s tall, with soft brown hair and softer brown eyes. I’m yet to see him in a single item of clothing with so much as a crease in it. He unironically loves Shakespeare, which wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t insist on proving it by randomly dropping quotes into conversation, or, worse, occasionally abandoning modern English altogether and talking to me like we’re living in the sixteenth century. I never know what the hell I’m supposed to say back, so I usually just awkwardly laugh and hope he returns to 2015 on his own.

RUBY (12:22): Abi, we can’t keep having this convo. Josh isn’t into me.

ABI (12:21): Me and Brooke STRONGLY disagree. He’s always watching you. There is a VIBE. LEAN INTO IT.

I lock my phone and slide it beneath my notebook. I’m being delusional enough about Josh without Abi aiding to it.

Besides, I need to focus on the project. We have less than a week to hand it in, and I can’t do that if all I’m doing is thinking about stupid Joshua Hardy.

OSCAR (17:00): Rubes! We needed to leave like five minutes ago. I’m missing football training for this. Where are you?

I’m already sitting in his car.

I do not want him to come with me. I just want to sing Outta Love by Anastatia at the top of my lungs and get rid of this impending sense of doom.

Three minutes later, just after I have set off, my phone lights up next to the gearstick.

OSCAR (17:03): Oh my God. You took my fucking car?!?!?!?!

Yes.