Page 158 of Almost Ours

“I needed to know that you were okay.”

“I’m fine.” He bites out, walking back and forth. “I just need more time.”

I stand again because sitting there while he paces around the room is making me feel worse. “What came up?”

Josh rubs a hand over his face and lets out a tired breath. “Rubes, can we not do this right now?”

I stare at him, irritation starting to push through the worry. “Do what? Ask you basic questions?”

“This.” He flicks a hand between us. “I can’t do this today.”

I throw my hands up. “Can you please explain what the fuck is going on? I’m at a complete loss here, Josh. You found out the worst thing about me and you’ve completely left me. Is this thing with us ending now?”

Josh stops pacing and looks at me like I’ve slapped him. “What? No.”

“Then what is happening?” My voice wobbles and I hate it. Tears start pooling in my eyes and I refuse to blink, scared that if I do the dam will break. “You left after finding out, ignored me for a day, and now I’m standing in your house feeling like you can barely look at me.”

“I don’t fucking know how to explain the shit in my head.” He spins on his heel, giving me his back so I can’t see his face. “I want to tell you everything. I just don’t know how.”

I stare at him, feeling a fucked-up concoction of emotions rush through me. “Josh, I am trying so hard to give you what you asked for, but you can’t keep telling me you need time while refusing to tell me what I’m waiting for. If you need a day, say that. If you need a week, say that. If you need me to leave you alone completely, then at least have the decency to tell me instead of making me guess.”

He spins on me quickly, green eyes filled with fear and loneliness. “I don’t want you to leave me alone completely.”

I’m at a loss. Nothing is making sense. “Then what do you want?”

His mouth opens, then closes again, and that weird hesitation is back. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I breathe, my throat burning. “How can you not know?”

He’s unable to meet my eyes and has been this whole time. I want to cry and beg. I want to stamp my feet and demand he loves me back. I want to scream and shout and cry. But I don’t do any of that. I’m too exhausted.

Then I notice a pale coat hanging over the back of another chair near the doorway. It’s cream, belted, with a fur-trimmed collar. It’s like everything slows down, you know like on TV before something horrific happens?

“Whose coat is that?” I croak, pointing at it.

Josh doesn’t even turn to it, he just looks at his feet, guilt written all over him. “It’s no one’s. It doesn’t matter.”

My pulse starts hammering harder. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because it just doesn’t.”

I straighten, a knowing slamming into me. Call it women’s intuition or gut instinct, call it whatever you want but in that moment I just know. “Is someone here?”

“No.” His eyebrow does that little twitch when he’s not being entirely truthful.

“You’re lying.”

“Ruby, leave it alone.”

“Who is here?” I look towards the hall, then towards the stairs beyond it, and when I start moving Josh trails closely.

“Ruby, don’t do this.”

“Do what? Find out why there is a woman’s coat in your house while you’re lying to my face?”

“It’s not like that.”

A laugh escapes me, high and disbelieving. “Oh my God. Said every man ever.”