Page 157 of Almost Ours

“Hello.”

“What are you doing here?”

Everything in me seems to be frozen, except my pounding heart. “I came to check you’re okay.”

Josh stands in the doorway, keeping the door tight to his body, not wanting to let me in. “I’m fine.”

I narrow my eyes. “You could have text me to tell me that.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” There is something strange about him that I can’t place.

“I thought you were coming back?”

“I was coming back.” He nods. “I just needed more time.”

I stare at him, waiting for something else, but he stays quiet. “Are you going to let me in?”

Josh hesitates before stepping back. “Yeah. Course.”

I walk past him into the hall, shrugging my coat off while he closes the door behind me. The house is warm, but it has this empty feeling about it, all polished floors and huge rooms with nobody making any noise in them. It’s got a horrible, depressing atmosphere that makes me want to walk straight back out again. Pictures of a boy who looks like a blonde version of Josh seem to be covering every surface, and I realise his parents left him in a home that is basically a shrine to his dead brother.

Ignoring the way that thought makes me want to comfort him, I drape my coat over the back of a chair and turn around to find Josh standing exactly where I left him, hands shoved into the pockets of his joggers, shoulders tense and eyes tired.

I study his face, feeling confused and scared with every second we stand here. “Have you slept?”

“A bit.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s up? Or are you just going to give me barely-there answers?”

Josh gives me a long look, blowing out a pained breath. “I need more time.” He isn’t dismissive, which only confuses me more. He just seems tired. Completely wrung out.

“Okay.” I nod, brushing my hair over my shoulders. “I can give you more time but only if you occasionally let me know you’re alive.”

“Look, yesterday was a lot...”

I wait for him to go on, but he doesn’t. “I know it was.”

“No, I mean…” He exhales hard and shakes his head. “I’m trying to get my head around it.”

“I understand. I’m only asking you not to completely freeze me out.”

“I’m not trying to freeze you out. I needed to clear my head, and something came up, and I’ve just been fucked. Okay?” Josh turns on his heel, starts moving to one of the living rooms. I follow through. “Sometimes I do that. I told you that.”

“You’ve never done that to me before.”

Josh stops in the doorway of the living room and looks back at me. “I know.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” I go in and perch on the arm of one of the sofas while he stays standing, which only makes the whole thing feel more awkward. “If you need space, fine. I’m not going to force you to talk before you’re ready, but you can’t disappear and then act surprised when I come looking for you.”

“I wasn’t surprised you came looking.” His mouth presses into a line and he looks away from me. “I was surprised you came here.”

“Why? Where else would you be?”

“I dunno, Rubes. I’m not thinking clearly but you didn’t need to come here.”