Page 129 of Almost Ours

JOSH (09:24): Wanted to be close to you before we left x

RUBY (09:25): Come back.

JOSH (09:26): You sure?

RUBY (09:26): JOSH IF YOU DON’T COME BACK AND SAY GOODBYE PROPERLY RIGHT NOW I WILL NEVER EVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

JOSH (09:30): On my way! X

Chapter Thirty

Thursday

December 17th 2015

Joshua:

I make it back to the flat in three minutes. I literally tear through the streets of Lincoln at the mere threat of Ruby never speaking to me again. I’ve no idea if she was being serious, but I’m not willing to test how far she’ll go to prove a point.

Ewan has given me half an hour before he leaves with or without me, in my own car, which means I’ve got roughly fifteen minutes to undo the fact I snuck out of my own flat like a complete coward, say goodbye to the girl I nearly kissed last night, and somehow leave her again before getting into the car knowing I’m not going to see my favourite person for two whole fucking weeks.

Piece of piss.

I take the stairs two at a time, accidentally barging the shoulder of some guy coming down, I throw out a rushed apology and keep going until I reach the landing.

When I get into the flat, I find Ruby wandering out of my bedroom in my black The xx T-shirt and nothing else. It frazzles me. Her hair is a state from sleeping on it and her bare legs are stretching out beneath a hem that sits far higher on her than it ever has on me. She’s got the flask of tea tucked against her stomach with both hands and there’s a faint crease running down one cheek from my pillow.

I stand inside the doorway with my still caught between my fingers, looking at her in my clothes, in my flat, after she’s spent the night in my bed, and suddenly fifteen minutes feels borderline offensive.

Ruby slows when she sees me, and the annoyance she was throwing at me over text doesn’t quite make it onto her face. “You came back.”

I close the door behind me and drop my keys onto the little table. “You threatened me.”

She rolls her eyes. “I was being dramatic.”

“Yeah. Well… I wasn’t taking the risk.”

My eyes trail down the full length of her body and I feast on her.

Fuck.

She has me starving and she has no idea.

I feel like I am always, always, always hungry when it comes to her. Not even for that physical shit, although right now, with the way she looks I’m definitely thinking about all that.

But I just want her. Her attention, her softness, the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not paying attention, the stupid little comments she throws at me when she knows I’m in a mood, the texts that light up my phone and make whatever shit day I’m having instantly less shit.

I live off the scraps of it, stupid little moments that probably mean nothing to her but mean everything to me, and telling her the truth about how much I want her, how desperately I need her, sits in my chest constantly like it’s trying to claw its way out.

She has no fucking idea.

No idea her existence makes mine easier, that she’s the reason I don’t mind waking up on days I otherwise wouldn’t have bothered with, or that the grey wolf that has spent years snipping and snarling has fucked off back to his cage lately and sometimes I genuinely think it’s only because she seeks me out.

And now I have to leave her.

It’s unbearable.

Ruby is watching me watch her, her eyes narrowing slightly when I make no attempt to hide the fact I’m drinking her in. One corner of her mouth pulls up. “Are you going to stand there staring or what?”