Page 43 of Fall Over You

And it’s definitely not forced when I dip to kiss Becca’s temple, a move that feels disturbingly right.

It’s agony getting through my work day. I’m crawling out of my skin wanting to know what Becca and Ellie are up to, if Ellie’s being a picky eater. I realize I forgot to tell Becca what Ellie needs for a nap, and I worry if they figured it out. I still have plenty of work to do at the shop at five, but I bail to go see how the girls are holding up.

The girls.

It’s been so long since I used that phrase, and the last time I did, it was more a dying plea than a truth. I wanted CJ to stay, or at least I thought I did. Things have been a mess since she left, but I can at least say they’re more peaceful. I don’t have to worry about whether CJ’s going to show up high, or whether she’ll be with it enough to remember to feed Ellie while I’m at work. If nothing else, Ellie’s well cared for now. I wanted CJ to be part of my girls, her and Ellie, but no amount of wishing could have stopped the train she was on. A lot of times now, I pretend she’s dead, because then I’d know she’ll never be back to make it all worse.

That’s the real fear I hold. It would be just like her to show up right after I got Ellie and me back in working order. I’ve imagined what our life could be. Full-day preschool. A house of our own with a good yard. Having enough help at the garage. Getting to come home at a normal hour and maybe having some semblance of a social life.

For now, Becca’s house will have to do. It’s a huge old farmhouse and definitely too big for one person. I’m not surprised she was eager to have guests. She’s a people person, and being all alone in that big house has to be hard for her.

I ring the doorbell and knock, but no one answers. Another truck is in the driveway and I hear the faint strains of music. The door’s unlocked, so I walk in, greeted by a strong smell of something delicious and cheesy.

I follow the sound coming from upstairs, and god, is it sweet.

Ellie’s giggle, Becca’s smoker’s laugh, and another couple of voices can be heard, all feminine, and all happy. Ellie’s needed this so badly. Even if I braid hair and paint nails, I’ll never be her mom. I’ll never know what sorts of things a mom might pass on to her daughter. And nobody up these stairs is her mom either, but I still want this for her. My chest aches as I hear them carrying on, and the ache turns into a throb when I open the door to the music.

A woman with long, curly brown hair stands there, holding one end of a pink bedsheet while Becca holds the other, wearing a tiara. They suspend the sheet high over their heads while Ellie stands under the sheet, twirling with her arms outstretched. Another woman sits on a stripped bed, her graying hair tucked into a bun. She shouts a “wee!” every time the girls lift the sheet.

I knock gently at the open door and they all startle, except Ellie.

“Oh, hey, Ty,” Becca says, finally noticing me. She tugs the tiara off her head and her cheeks redden.

My stomach squeezes and my heart thumps, which must be entirely unrelated to Becca getting embarrassed and trying to cover up her tiara.

“Tyler, you remember Jake? Well, this is his wife, Darcy, and her Aunt Maggie. Both of them make excellent babysitters and are not degenerates.”

“Well, not too bad,” Maggie says with a goodnatured laugh.

“Darcy here had an extra twin bed and brought it over for Ellie.”

I swallow hard. These people have no reason to be kind to me other than Becca telling them to. That Ellie and I are important to her. “Wow, that’s . . . really nice. Thank you.”

And it is nice, but this is another fear of mine: people entering Ellie’s life, making her love them, and then abandoning her.

“Are we going to live here now, Daddy?” Ellie asks with such hope in her voice. It’s soul-crushing. She wants this life, and I want it for her.

Becca sees my discomfort and steps in. “This’ll be your room whenever you stay over.”

Ellie looks around the room and I take the opportunity to do the same. A smattering of her favorite things decorate the walls. I wonder where Becca got all this stuff, and how much she spent on it.

Darcy checks her watch and wafts air toward her nose. “It smells like our lasagna might be about done. Ellie, do you want to help me make a salad for everybody?”

“Uh huh!” Ellie grabs Darcy’s hand, and Darcy shoots me a touched smile.

“And we gotta make that garlic bread,” Becca adds. “I say we put your daddy on garlic bread duty while I set the table.”

SIXTEEN

BECCA

“Say night night, Ellie.”

A tiny body appears at my side while I’m washing the dinner dishes. She’s all pajama’d up with an octopus stuffy in her arms and a sad look on her face. I turn to her and dry my hands. “You going to bed, sweet girl?” She nods and I get down to her level to hug her. “Night night.”

Poor little sweetie’s still scowling when she pulls out of our hug. “Why do you look so sad?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have nightmares,” she whimpers. “I need a protector.”