Page 20 of The Sweetest Return

AWU felt too intimate. That campus held a version of me from before the league, before contracts, before strangers knew my name. My boys were there. My coaches. My parents screaming from the stands.

And Imani.

She was the only woman I had ever loved at that school.

Some part of me hadn’t been willing to bring another woman back there and pretend I didn’t know why.

I leaned my head against the seat and looked toward the clouds.

I owed Imani an apology.

She had broken my heart, and I wasn’t rewriting that. But I had spent years angry at her for understanding something before I did.

She hadn’t left because she didn’t love me enough. She had chosen not to build her entire future around mine before either one of us even knew what mine would be.

At twenty-two, I thought that was selfish.

At thirty, after watching women pack themselves into whatever space football left them, after watching Aubrey start doing the same without me asking, I respected the hell out of Imani for knowing herself that young.

I wanted to tell her that. Had wanted to for a while.

The problem was I had never figured out what came after I’m sorry.

Maybe she said thank you and walked away.

Maybe she told me I hurt her too.

Maybe I found out seeing her did nothing to me anymore.

Or maybe I opened a door I had spent eight years learning how to keep closed.

That last one had kept me quiet more than pride lately.

I knew what losing Imani had done to me once.

I wasn’t interested in finding out what hope could do.

My phone vibrated on the table.

Pops: Call me when you land.

A second notification came before I could answer.

Omar: Tasting moved to 6:30. Chef still mad you missed the last one

I smiled. Omar was the manager at North & Vine.

Me: Tell Chef I was securing my television future.

The dots appeared immediately.

Omar: You taking it?

I looked at the Apex contract still waiting in my inbox.

Me: Ain’t say all that.

His laughing emoji came back before I set the phone down.